I was starting to feel this way before I had kids, but having kids completely changed everything for the more interesting.
It’s funny because it’s the exact opposite of what I was told would happen: The story goes that you have kids, lose yourself, and become a boring old parent. Instead, I’m never lacking for fun or creative ideas because I can pick up a creative and hilarious child and go do literally anything together and we’ll have a good time. I’m meeting more new and interesting people than I have at any point since college simply by doing parent things and meeting other parents. I still have time to work on one specific side project, but I’ve learned to stop grinding through the side projects that I didn’t really enjoy anyway. Becoming a parent is a great forcing function to get out and shake up your priorities.
Obviously I’m not recommending becoming a parent as a solution to this problem. However, I wanted to note that the realities of becoming a parent are literally the opposite of what I was led to believe by peers and social media while growing up. Contrary to everything I was told, it’s actually the childless people and couples I know who are entering these periods of “boring” where they struggle for interest or motivation or meaning, while us parents are off having an extremely non-boring and fun time with this new chapter.
My older child is a pre-teen constantly screaming and raging about the tiniest things. It’s a tremendous energy drain. But the children are certainly not the reason for my lurking depression: it was there before I had kids, and being a parent hasn’t magically transformed my life with meaning. These things are roughly orthogonal in my anecdotal experience.
I don't have fun with my kids. I have no more friend in real life (even before the pandemic). I can't even play computer games when I want to because my kids take too darn long to finish their homework and we live in a small home in Hong Kong. Even weekends are basically more studying and extra-curricular classes for my kids (ballet, phonics, mental math, painting). I've lost motivation to do much else. Nowadays I just burrow myself in reading fantasy novels when I have any time for myself, not even because I really enjoy them, but because I lack creativity and motivation to do much else.
Sorry to hear about your struggles. I do fully agree that having kids won’t alleviate things like major depression and hope I didn’t give that impression.
>>My older child is a pre-teen constantly screaming and raging about the tiniest things. It’s a tremendous energy drain. But the children are certainly not the reason for my lurking depression: it was there before I had kids, and being a parent hasn’t magically transformed my life with meaning. These things are roughly orthogonal in my anecdotal experience.
I think this anecdote needs to become more mainstream form of advice, people are so quick to suggest having kids as a cure-all for people's depression or other mental health issues like it's just going to make everything else disappear.
Personally speaking I'm sorry to hear this, but this is also why I have put-off having kids--although its mainly for environmental issues, I can't see how people can in good-faith bring children into a World in which they will inherit such catastrophic climate change and a World where it's still possible that aging kleptocrats can shell and occupy a nuclear power plant, one of which was the location of the most dangerous environmental disasters of the 20th century and most people shrug it off and care more about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock!
Still, I don't know what the source of your depression is, and this is kind of harsh, but you are a cautionary tale for people like me: I have bouts of crippling weltschmertz after a life of being an environmentalist activist with a background in tech as a founder that merged the two together. As you can imagine it's certainly not as lucrative as destroying the World, and that is the saddest thing.
After 20 years at least I can go down knowing that while most of my existence have been a mix between Pyrrhic victories and burnout that I did more than I ever thought I would given the World I was forced to inherit.
My angst, rage and anger was channeled into something positive, and it helps but it's a corrosive and toxic form of fuel that corrodes you from within; hopefully you will in time be able to use the same energy draining you to do something that helps alleviate your situation.
The only time I don't feel the Weltschertz is when I'm building, the problem is that I can't anymore after destroying my body after 20 years of living this way and I'm having to heal all of these injuries: physical as well as mental.
It can be eye opening if the behavior has a neurological component, and it's always better to intervene early in these cases
I used to know a family that was as creative as folks would come (immediate family had renowned authors, world class academics, illustrator, etc.), and it was clear that the children played such a central role in continuing to foster a culture that was very creative and "alive." But, it was also true that both parents had WFH jobs (this was over a decade ago), extremely flexible schedules, and were very well off to do. In that context, having kids can be the forcing function you describe, especially if the parents in question are folks already predisposed to being curious and interesting people.
However, I suspect most adults end up suffering from a lack of energy. The daily toil ends up sapping so much of themselves that the necessary energy expenditure to be more child-like isn't there, and you get your usual couch potatoes, nappers, seemingly disinterested zombies. For someone in that situation, adding kids to the equation ends up becoming just ONE MORE THING to completely drain them every day.
Well, exactly. Its easier to be creative if you don't have financial or time constraints.
So I'm not sure having kids really matters here. I think the mindset change is more important. It's easy to forget that the world has so many interesting things to pick up and do literally anything with, much like your child. My friends who have kids don't think that way.
I can't sit still, so am always looking for new things to do. Having children do this with me bring joy to me, and to them.
Bored and giving up side-projects are two different things. I did give up side-projects after having my son, but it's far from being boring.
As for the job thing... I guess you don't frequent that many people with kids? Or you just happend to know unhappy people? I've changed jobs 2 times (well, 3 if you consider COVID related job loss) since my son was born.
Nowadays most families can't afford kids at the same standard of, let's say 40 years ago with the same amount of parents time.
I think it's crucial to be at home for kids and at maximum one working parent working full time
It took me a long time to acclimate to having children. I probably had postpartum depression as a dad. Especially early on, kids are a big stressor, and having them should be a deliberate choice.
It’s also the most impactful work you will ever do, and once you see that for yourself, it’s hard to see your career in exactly the same way.
I am in my 40s, and it's weird seeing my friends of 20 years remain static. The only ones that have changed are either people with children or a big catastrophe in their lives.
To be precise, I don't think it's the stress, but dealing with taking care of someone other than yourself.
Also, now that my kid is getting older and is starting to have actual interests (e.g. he's really into smart home stuff), I'm able to enjoy and participate in those things more.
Scenario 1: The over-achiever parent
I see this frequently, a parent that wants to be a super parent. This manifests in a bunch of different ways, but usually it's enrolling their kids to 15 different activities essentially running all over the place being glorified taxis for their kids.
Then their kids don't know how to function if there is nothing to do.
Scenario 2: The I'm missing our parent
Parents that either had kids too early, or not by choice. They feel like they missed out, so they lament about all the fun they didn't have. This is a weird form of resistance to reality. What usually happens is that they will get a divorce, to somehow escape their children. I am 40, so I see it with people my age, they divorce, see their kids 2-4 times a week and do crazy stuff to somehow recapture their youth.
In my opinion it's about keeping a good balance. If you never make time for yourself that's a mistake. If you put the bar too high as a parent you are bound to miss. The simplest approach is to carve out some time to yourself, balancing things out with your significant other. Enrolling your kids in 1-2 activities out of school and recognizing that not every single minute of a day needs to be hyper-optimized.
I didn’t say it was always easy, but that’s fine by me because it’s not actually soul-crushingly difficult (again, another misconception popular among young people without kids that turned out to be wrong).
The older I get, the more I realize that my friends who optimize for minimal effort (no kids, reluctant to leave the house, picky about what they attend) are gradually sliding into very boring and unfulfilled existences.
I get to keep the kids busy, see if they have fun with something, and judge if it's something I'd personally enjoy. If we both end up liking it, then great! Something more to share with them.
I mean, they're right there, you already know them, and get to show them all sorts of new and fascinating things?
What I can say, however, is that I'm absolutely thrilled when I watch my kids watch Home Alone while they go crazy with scream and laughter at Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern getting physically abused by an eight year old with booby traps that would be lethal in real life.
In any case, I've always hoped for your experience.
When I hang out with my parent friends they have one mono topic of conversation: their kids and related subjects.
As far as conversation topics go, my friends and I rarely spend more than a few minutes here and there discussing our kids. We all have much more interesting things to talk about and kids don't really come up.
I guess you're extrapolating too much based on your own personal experience.
I won't argue that there are no parents who bore you, but fundamentally that isn't due to being a parent.
Most parents are just beat down managing two jobs, taking kids to all the classes, doing chores in the house, worrying about career ect.
A lot of pain seems to come from a poor vocabulary about feelings. What is boring? It's a weak and flattened word like the feelings it's used about.
Do you mean avolition, acedia, irascibility, dissatisfaction, insensibility, repression, discouragement, ambivalence, anxiety? The Psychology of the Emotions by Neal Burton is a fair place to continue the introspective journey you've started [1].
> I lost my creativity and the sense of wonder I used to have in childhood. I am no longer curious because I am settled for the world as it is. I accept things the way they are instead of imagining how they could be.
Comfortably Numb. There's a dose of it going around. Don't worry it's an acute condition. All progress depends upon the unreasonable man. You need to stop being reasonable. Take a good look at the world, and notice there's still plenty to be really, healthily angry about, and so much to be joyously in love with. Just don't give in to ambivalence or settle for the illusion of comfort and safety life seems to be showing you. Take a risk on it.
[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201601...
> All progress depends upon the unreasonable man.
Let me share with you one of my all time favorite quotes, from George Bernard Shaw[1]:
>“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”
While Shaw himself was a controversial figure even in his own time (roughly a century ago), and would be abhorred by today's standards for many reasons, this particular item, standing alone, remains a particular gem of wisdom.
For a historical example we're all quite familiar with in this industry, think "Steve Jobs". He adapted the world to his vision through innovation and commerce, forcing the creation of entire industries - at least twice over! - as a result. Thanks to him being "unreasonable", the personal computer market emerged which spawned our entire industry. Then with the release of the iPhone, the smartphone market came into existence along with Android and for a time, Windows Phone (RIP).
I strongly disagree with several of Shaw's points of view, but this particular gem has always been a favorite of mine in spite of that. I find it particularly inspiring.
Have a read through some of the other maxims and make your own mind up as to the author's viewpoint.
[1] https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Man_and_Superman/Maxims_for_R...
and yet there's an unreasonable man invading another country right now.
I dont think progress depends on the unreasonable man. It depends on the reasonable man who would put in the sweat and blood, but might be inspired or paid by the unreasonable man.
> progress depends on the unreasonable man
and
> unreasonable men start wars
But honestly it feels like such a useless nitpick. OP is talking about a useful mind-hack to increase your personal productivity and meaning, and you are applying it to how we should assess the morality of global leaders.
> All progress depends upon the unreasonable man
and
> All actions by unreasonable men are progress
If all wibbles are wobbles it is not necessarily true that all wobbles are wibbles.
I look at this in terms of variance: there are few ways to be reasonable, but many to be unreasonable. Many of the unreasonable ones lead nowhere, but a few lead to progress. That's similar to the concept of antifragility.
It's just the same thing as parent poster said, just with extra steps.
(Ironically, the reference for this is an article titled "No true Scotsman starts a war" https://web.archive.org/web/20190105005853/http://www.atimes...)
I'd be more cautious equating reason with peace.
Wars are as often the conclusion of pure reason. Strategic advantage plus opportunity, plus a little too much game-theory can be the perfect ingredients for belligerence.
“You will be civilized on the day you can spend a long period doing nothing, learning nothing, and improving nothing, without feeling the slightest amount of guilt.”
“They are born, then put in a box; they go home to live in a box; they study by ticking boxes; they go to what is called “work” in a box, where they sit in their cubicle box; they drive to the grocery store in a box to buy food in a box; they go to the gym in a box to sit in a box; they talk about thinking “outside the box”; and when they die they are put in a box. All boxes, Euclidian, geometrically smooth boxes.”
Make it easy to start, just try doing nothing for a while, it’s uncomfortable at first but the reset comes soon enough and is quite rewarding.
The bed of procrustes as a whole is also quite thought provoking and I would recommend checking it out.
Go on walks.
Hike.
Go on long road trips.
Sometimes I record my thoughts out loud. But for the most time, I just use it as a way to keep my mind churning. Sometimes I come up with new side projects, or a design for a new piece of furniture, or just wonder on certain things (friends/family, state of the world, the guy that coughed on me at the restaurant).
I am sorting people into virtuals and physicals nowadays.
All my interest is on the physical side of life.
Physical is where I want to be, and I am sort of.. but still I'm too heavy on the virtual.
So my long-winded point is, I don't think there's anything wrong with this. Only you know what your interests are, but don't be afraid to follow them wherever they lead. If you aren't bored, you aren't boring.
People who are bored but not boring. They work in technical fields where I'm not educated in their domain. They're retired but had very colorful lives in the past. They're wonderful storytellers and joke tellers and even punsters. They know the latest culture, technology, restaurants, shows etc. They post on HN.
Unrelated, Being Boring is an amazing song by the Pet So Boys. https://genius.com/Pet-shop-boys-being-boring-lyrics
So .. what do you do about money? are you in a FIRE situation?
God that strikes close to home.
I have genuinely pondered how 10-15 years ago when I didn’t know what I was doing, I had a million project ideas and just went for them with no real plan. Some of them panned out, most of them didn’t. Many I still maintain today came out of that raw energy. These days when I do (rarely) come up with a project, I know off the bat how I am going to build it. I’ve been blinded to possibility by my own experience.
I think about that a lot when it comes to design especially. The ideas that come to me are constrained by own experience and knowledge of what's simple or complicated to implement. I will naturally steer clear from anything that is convoluted to implement.
Meanwhile a proper designer will come up with incredible ideas without worrying about "is it hard to code this up", they're not constrained by that at all.
Fix that bug in production that other team struggles with for a year ? Nope, you should be working on something else, they will they care of that (/not).
Try to bring up to speed some team members to have full DevOps ? Nope, ppl not interested in that, prefer to do bare minimum.
Too many things you have no control of. Gets pretty discouraging very fast.
When you go to sea, you’re all in. I always was, but sometimes I forget and the sea helps me remember.
That said...
The above, while fantastic for the person who lived that way, "smells" (for lack of a better word) like it comes from someone who hasn't been forced into a rough life. Bouncing around like that is easy when you don't have to worry about whether or not you'll be homeless in the next week because you were illegally fired from your job and the government doesn't care because it's not an easy open-and-shut case where they can automate litigation six years from now (because their caseload is literally that high).
You can't really do that kind of stuff when you have one - or both - parents dying from cancer and they both need full time, in-home care that, being unemployed, you can't afford to provide them. Especially when for whatever reason, they have no retirement savings, pension, 401k, absolutely nothing, and no health insurance either.
So please understand that while I'm honestly happy you've been able to do that, a lot of people just flat aren't for many reasons, the above being mere examples. You might think they're made-up, fictional or convoluted, but they're not: they're my life experience from 2017-2021. I lived those things, and worse, all at the same time.
> A brief note for context: you mentioned "pounds" so I'm assuming you're in the UK, which has a famously fantastic healthcare system. I'm in the US, where ours is...well, we all know what shit smells like, don't we? And herein lies a real life example of how government investment in people - aka "socialism" to some degree - is not a threat to an economy or capital investment, but in fact enables economic growth. /rant
Point is, for some people, that grind is the only thing keeping us alive. There is no safety net. There is no plan b. You either go nose-to-the-grindstone, or you go live under a bridge and eat scraps out out of the dumpster. There's no in between for some of us.
Again, not in any way intended to "throw shade" at you whatsoever. I'm just raising awareness that for some people, this advice, while technically valid and something I really wish was actionable for everyone, is in many cases just flat out impossible. You try it, you wind up homeless, a pariah, and unable to re-enter the industry because who's going to hire somebody without any relevant work experience in the last 3 years? Next!
That said...
> I've done farm work, [...] blacksmithing [...]
I've always wanted to try some kind of blacksmithing! I'M SO JEALOUS!
Yes, you're right. Life throws some terrible things but a lot of those things will occur regardless of whether you're at a desk or out on adventures. I have had some hard times.
I'm a recovering alcoholic. I burned out big style at about 29 and quit drinking about a year later. There've been some rough times. I don't have a super rich family but they are supportive. I've relied on friends for couches. I've lived in tents and hammocks in the woods. Never exactly homeless but just lacking a home. The scheme, WWOOF, I worked on meant I could live for very little money.
Your healthcare point is excellent. I've lived in the UK and Canada, both of which have similar healthcare systems. The US system is just unbelievable (literally) to Europeans.
I ran out of money (down to my last 300 quid) and returned to IT about 8 years ago. I started right back at the bottom and worked my way up. I lasted 5 years and burnt out again.
I guess I went too far in the "go crazy and run off live in the woods!!!" direction. I guess my main point (if I had one after rambling this much) is don't let your soul die at a desk.
> I've always wanted to try some kind of blacksmithing! I'M SO JEALOUS!
Do it. If you have a backyard then you can throw together a simple charcoal forge with an air blower. My youtube channel has an ancient video of making tongs. One of the best things to learn, making your own tools. Just remember: "Got it hot and hit it". That's all the advice you need. And PPE. Eye and ear protection. Always.
Otherwise find a local blacksmith and do a weekend. You will not regret it.
I think you need some small wins to keep your motivation going. I read this quote here on hacker news which was very eye opening for me at the time(1). This idealogy of using small wins while you're chasing a big win has helped me a lot when things aren't going your way. I'm a indie hacker too would be happy to tell you some strategies I've developed for creating small wins (though most of them are very specific to my product / industry so I can't say how useful it would be to you)
Here's my favorite method of self-cultivation: https://library.dhammasukha.org/uploads/1/2/8/6/12865490/the...
Do you think HN provides more benefit to its users by hiding this comment from everyone except the brave who enable showdead?
Learn to enjoy your own company and how to keep yourself from being bored even when you're alone.
Then find others who enjoy doing the things you enjoy, and you can have fun together.
I recently moved across the country and currently have precisely nothing happening outside of work; no friends, no family, no romantic partners or dates. I got so bored, I finally setup my dusty, unused piano keyboard, installed a piano learning app on my iPad, and started working through the basics.
It's like a fire was lit in my brain. Or an explosion, or something. I haven't felt that energized in ages. I've been practicing every day since, sometimes for upwards of 2 hours straight (my grade school music teachers would be shocked to hear that). I quickly realized the limitations of the first keyboard (a Roland Go:Keys) and went searching for a "real" digital piano. The first time I laid hands on the keyboard I ended up purchasing (a Korg) I felt an immediate sense of calm and happiness.
I have a couple theories for why I've reacted this way, when I've struggled with so many other things I want to learn: - Music uses an entirely different part of the brain from my technical day job. - There is immediate progress. - Likely related, but I took a couple years of lessons in grade school. I'm likely feeling the reawakening of long dormant brain connections. Which strengthens the above two points.
It has only been a week, honestly only time will tell how long this lasts, but maybe it's jump started I needed to move on to other things I want to learn and be less boring.
It'd be great if programming gives us similar sensation, but it's purely intellectual, at least to me. I understand it's the point, but still.
What we have instead is now some kind of social-media-fueled, angst-driven obsession about self-optimization. Everyone is constantly obsessed with themselves and their own performance in every aspect of life.
Are you efficient enough? Are you productive enough? Are you eating healthy enough? Are you fun enough? etc
As if this wasn't enough, we can't really decide which way we want to go. Because you can't be too efficient or productive, either, since you should obviously also be relaxing and unstressing enough. And spending enough time with your family. But also writing that blog, creating side projects, and so on.
In the end this just creates an endless cycle of sadness and frustration because you're not a machine. You can't fulfill all the unrealistic goals you've set for yourself because you're not a robot.
I've given up on trying to pursue these unrealistic goals and trying to constantly self-optimize. It doesn't mean I'm just content to wallow in my own filth or that I give up on life. It just means I'm not gonna write a blog post about myself where I call myself boring because I'm not able to magically conjure up a viral side project. It means I'm not gonna compare myself to countless youtubers or instagrammers who paint the prettiest pictures of themselves they can.
This is an important faculty for your happiness and creativity. It does not care at all for your logic and reasoning, and thankfully so because our minds would otherwise quickly dispose of it as error and synesthesia.
Now that you know that the sanity brought by your enormous intellectual achievements don't bring you happiness, perhaps it is time to explore this insanity that has patiently waited for your attention.
Namaskar, seeker
On a sunny afternoon, I was taking a walk around my house. Suddenly, she and her little brother jumped into me and excitedly showed me the "treasures" she had collected around the neighborhood.
The "treasures" turned out to be just a bunch of metal screws of various kinds that the construction workers left all over the place. I laughed so hard and poked fun at them. "These are no treasures, and treasures should be things that are scarce or extremely expensive, like diamonds or gems.", I said. They didn't seem to care. And they kept explaining to me the wonder of the screws. Being impatient, I tried to send them away by telling them they should try other parts of the area.
They left with big smiles.
Thinking about this, I am not sure if I was launching at them or if I am the one who should be laughed at.
The best way to expand your perspective of the world is move to a new country with a different culture, learn a new language, and make local friends.
I recently moved to Brasil and am learning Portuguese. The language barrier is difficult. Learning how to communicate indirectly is hard. Understanding the different social norms requires you to question some of your core beliefs. I don't think you can learn any of the core lessons without learning the language.
Travel will put you out of your comfort zone, but you should also start having a lot of fun... the type of fun you used to have with friends when you were younger. Not the buttoned up type of fun you have at a dinner party with acquaintances.
Before I quit FB years ago, I had whole feeds that were just groups of 30-somethings around some restaurant table or another holding wine glasses up for the waiter taking the photo. Like some Antonioni film....
You're meant to frame personal objectives in positive terms. Instead of "stop eating junk food", "start eating healthier food". Instead of "stop being lazy", "exercise every day".
Instead of "stop being boring", the objective might be to read more books, or a million other things that result in interesting people.
Also his app is built on the premise that we get distracted easily and can't focus. The success of the app therefore relies on the failure of others. Perhaps a better project is one where the app doesn't start with "you suck, now sign up and you won't suck as much". I'm possibly being unfair. I'm just thinking of ways this dude can make less boring apps.
No you are not being unfair. You are being inspiring indeed!
1. Turn off social media. Or at least avoid all the fake, self-promoting garbage.
2. Accept that you're probably not gonna cure cancer or solve cold fusion. Nothing wrong with that.
3. Get a hobby that has NOTHING to do with computers. I like wood-working - building patio furniture, stuff like that.
4. Contrary to #3, get a Raspberry Pi. I've worked on many completely useless, yet totally fun, Pi projects.
If you're trying to solve people's lack of focus, you first need a solid understanding of what the root cause of that problem is. It could include deep psychological issues that I won't go in to, but root causes that are plain to see and very common are distractions outside one's control (work email, meetings, chat, etc) and distractions due to a lack of self discipline (personal usage of smartphone).
That still is a simplistic picture, but let's use it. Now your app, which is a website, aims to solve this. The first thought here is that an app means even more screen time, but fine.
Your website allows one to set a timer in which the user does a focused task. This doesn't solve the problem. The distractions outside one's control keep coming in nor does this magically fix a lack of self-discipline.
Even if you do believe such a timer helps, because it does something at a subconscious level, how is it any different from using a standard timer app natively available on any device?
The second idea is to play white noise background sounds as it puts one in a focused state. Fine, but why wouldn't I just hit play on one of the hundreds of "focus" playlists found on Spotify or elsewhere?
The third idea, one task at a time, is reasonable. But not valuable on its own, as it still enforces nothing. Plus, people already have task management systems, they don't need one more.
The fourth idea is puzzling, a support network. So I'm finally in a focused state, and then these like-minded people are going to support me: "well done, mate, proud of you". How is that not the opposite of being focused?
Bottom line, you charge money for something that doesn't solve the problem, or is already solved in far more advanced ways, at no charge. For example, both iOS and Android have advanced settings for silent mode, suppressing notifications and time used on "problematic" apps.
Finally, execution is also sub par, as your fellow Indie hackers agreed on.
I truly say with the best intentions that this is a bad idea. And it sucks to work on bad ideas that go nowhere. But you shouldn't feel too bad about that because creating a new idea that monetizes and is sticky is close to impossible, the bar is that high. Most people hardly every install apps and when they do, almost all of them are never opened again.
Do not consider yourself a failure because failure is the norm in such a competitive space.
"I need to pick a fight and stop trying to please everybody."
Yes, fine. But contemplate more about which fight to pick. You're self aware about it, which is good:
"Am I doing the wrong thing again?”, I wondered."
If you suck at separating good ideas from bad ones, which is common, you need better and earlier feedback.
Accepting reality is often expressed as settling into some depressing malaise, while "imagining" something "better" is the more proactive, positive choice by default. I will make a bet that whatever spurt of creative "not boring" thing the writer does next will distract for some time and then they will be right back where they started from.
The world needs more people capable of dealing with "the world as it is" and make the boring choice of taking responsibility for it. It's doing the long, boring, thankless tasks that this requires, instead of flailing around in the shallow depths of narcissistic self-actualization, that grants purpose and meaning to what you do. Don't let culture bully you into it's incoherent projections of success and relevance. Being committed,consistent, focused and responsible is boring. Be boring.
A simple idea is to take things you enjoy and do them with other people, for me this meant doing classes at the gym instead of working out at home, booking art classes rather than trying to learn from a book. In some cases this has been amazing (I found an olympic weightlifting class that is the most fun I've had in years), in some cases not so amazing but still glad I tried.
Also I have started meditating (again within a teacher). For me the chief advantage of this is to start noticing your own patterns, and to be more deliberate in what you do. It has helped.
ymmv
So if the author has problems they want to fix with their work or life, by all means fix them. But "being boring" is not a problem in and of itself.
I went jogging/walking yesterday to start out C25K. I got into cycling last year and I've always loved swimming so I was joking all summer that I could do a triathlon if I learned how to enjoy running.
One thing that I might have discovered yesterday is it seems that if I love my equipment I also enjoy using it. I'm so proud of my bike and love it to death and it makes me so happy to pull it out and ride it around. I've been poking around running shoe stores to find a pair of shoes to run in the last few weeks and I absolutely fell in love with the pair I bought yesterday. I felt so happy putting them on yesterday to run in.
I'm not sure what I can do to fall in love with coding again though. I built a brand new computer last year hoping that would make me want to code but it didn't really bring me the joy my shoes or bike brings me. I worry that I'm over programming but I have no idea what I could replace it with to earn a living.
I went through a period of not having an interest I was passionate about. This normally happens but it was for a longer than usual period. I eventually recognized it and made small efforts to find new interests. The pandemic both forced the situation as well as make space to try out new stuff. One of those long-standing things was to play video games which I enjoyed so much growing up and now can never seem to prioritize. Sure it doesn't necessarily have real-world value, but it's something I could enjoy as a minor pastime as I did Go (board game) when I was on a binge.
The part that seems hard as an older adult is that we have less patience for being bad at something at the start when the going is slow. We have to find a way of enjoying the process rather than the results.
I was a teenager and was getting a ride home from a friend of the family.
He asked "How's life going"
And I was in the midst of answering "It's bor.."
But he cut me off and said "Don't say 'it's boring'. ONLY BORING PEOPLE GET BORED."
It was like a splash of cold water in my face, and I always remembered that.
Whenever I start feeling bored now, I remind myself of that quote and start mentally exploring ways to shake things up and break out of the rut. If my mind isn't feeling that creative, then I start looking at what others are doing in my situation and often I'll find some thread of their creativity that I can use to get myself started.
The more you fear being labeled as "boring", the more motivated you'll be to avoid those doldrums.
I agree with this, or rather... I think we need to live life full of hope and wonder. That when we do, we deeply experience things, and we get excited by things. Excitement itself is infectious, it brings other people along.
Somewhere in there is an essence of an idea, that to build something that makes someone else excited such that they want to use it, we must be excited by it and full of hope for what it can be and wonder for what it is. To even present things to others, such as a thing we've been working on, we must feel that excitement and express it.
I don't agree with the "I'm boring" sentiment, no-one is boring. But having hope and wonder can fuel excitement and that is a very good way to get others excited too.
For instance, you have decided the issue is 'being boring' when what you describe is 'being bored'.
Another is you are making the successful roll out of the app the end goal, when there is no indication that 'being boring/bored' has anything to do with success of the app.
As an outsider going by the description of how you provided without taking the solution you provide for granted it seems...
You are bored/dissatisfied with your life, and you are bored/dissatisfied with the project you are working on, but (I think because you are trying to 'focus' and fight distraction) you don't want to admit this as the solution would be to change tack as its basically giving in to your lack of focus
If you create anything truly revolutionary it will be an uphill battle. You wont be able to communicate what you product does in just a few words. Worse it will require potential customers to actual make a mental shift. You will have lost their attention before you can even get to the benefits. This is why the first one to develop something new will rarely see success, only those later that copy it when the ground work has already been laid.
Just talking to myself here ;)
Or you have become bored of your previous interests because you have spent a lot of time with them. Try something new, it might not work out but in taking a break you may find your interest in older interests to be rekindled after the time away.
I used to be a “try everything” developer / sys-admin / blah / blah. Having made a career out of that over the last couple of decades, these days I don't have the same interest I once did. I'm leaving the big re-architecting projects to others who are far more enthusiastic and sticking to support/tinkering that pays the bills these days, and outside of work I've got other hobbies with most of the time I used to spend learning or playing with new techie stuff instead spent running around the countryside and taking part in HEMA stuff. I am starting to get the urge to get back up to speed on some techie things beyond what I need in order to keep being useful in the day job, though that is happening slowly. In the meantime I'm enjoying this current balance and set of interests, maybe it'll stick around long term.
Of course this may not be a suitable attitude for someone for whom being particularly eager & creative is required for the purposes of continuing to pay the bills, and some people just aren't happy with a job, they must have a passion, or feel that not doing much more than getting by now will overly limit their options later, so YMMV.
In other words, figuring out if a potential product could have actual value.
Instead they seemed to have reversed the process, already concluded that writing this app is a good idea, and relied instead of the nebulous and irrational guidance of purely artistic ideas and asking friends for new perspectives.
The same irrational thought process and overreliance on emotions probably combines with their superficial understanding of pop psychology to lead them to conclude that they fall in the 'boring' category of that (honestly) completely arbitrary dichotomy.
Two wonderfully relevant quotes from Adam Philips, that the author may gain from:
> “For the child's curiosity (''this child who can be deranged by hope and anticipation -- by ice cream,'' as Phillips puts it) is the grail for which the adult yearns. When all hope of recovering it, or at least glimpsing it glowing in the distance, vanishes, there is only a terrible emptiness. ''Ecstasy of opportunity'' gives way to a corrosive loss of interest in life.”
> "As always, Phillips prefers not to be too direct. (...) Phillips' own writings are prime examples of what we can achieve if we put aside, at least for a moment, the overly sensible -- and set out to discover what really moves us."
Despite it not /feeling/ good, it's probably a good feeling to have, one that'll push you to new places.
Also, author would do well to get out of their head and do something radically different that doesn’t involve computers.
But thanks to a dusty place…
I was looking for things to improve and have formulated close to a dosen “shoulds” during this time.
I cannot say that this was really helpful, because, you know, how could I know what I should? My knowledge got me here. The shoulds arise from the mind, but how accurate are they? No way to know for me!
Now I come to conclusion that I “should” only accept myself, and look for meaningful experience and people, everything else will happen. Sometimes I’m boring! Sometimes I’m stupid! Sometimes I’m irresposible!
I feel where you are, friend, you will do this!
- horrible mobile experience
- people who are looking for a solution that lets them focus are not inclined to read through the wall of text on the site
- the try-before-you-buy features are lost at a glance and focus easily shifts to the $2.98 part
Why not build the site so that it immediately brings up a simple, self-explanatory UI, especially on mobile? Let the users discover the features and the limitations.
If it’s not usable that way then iterate until it is. Hide the wall of text into some about page.
You will find your lost creativity by ingesting a very small amount of psilocybin mushrooms.
Maybe the problem is all work and no play?
I bought a motorcycle last year and I'm not nearly as boring any more. Surprisingly so, if you consider all I did was buy a vehicle and learn to use it. It seems to be a general litmus test: Find a risky hobby and you're mind will be focused and dialed in to what you're doing and others will respect your effort and skill. Scuba, surfing, flying, poker, etc.
My favorite anti-inspirational quote I keep coming back to.
I don't know if it will help the author but that touched me. So I share it.
And I'll add that Kurzgesagt is an amazing YT channel.
It reminds me of the intel tik/tok product cycle. Look inside for a while then look outside for a while.
This resonates.
That’s the problem! If you are the target user but don’t want to use it, the product doesn’t work as is, maybe the idea doesn’t work at all, or the focus isn’t right.
nope, you don't. You need to just accept the fact that you are boring AF and live with it.
