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0 pointsk_sze4y ago0 comments

Same struggle. Except my elder daughter isn't "screaming and raging about the tiniest things" (yet). She's just... a total mess at a few things (self-motivation, self-awareness, responsibility, tact), constantly getting chastized by my wife.

I don't have fun with my kids. I have no more friend in real life (even before the pandemic). I can't even play computer games when I want to because my kids take too darn long to finish their homework and we live in a small home in Hong Kong. Even weekends are basically more studying and extra-curricular classes for my kids (ballet, phonics, mental math, painting). I've lost motivation to do much else. Nowadays I just burrow myself in reading fantasy novels when I have any time for myself, not even because I really enjoy them, but because I lack creativity and motivation to do much else.

0 comments

11 comments · 3 top-level

efitz4y ago· 6 in thread

Why do you keep doing things that don't make you happy?

Why do you feel the need to do so many extra-curricular activities related to child education? Can't you take your kids to the park, show them stuff and talk to them about it? One of the cool things that most adults forget about childhood is that everything is new for kids. Even stuff that kids are used to; they have really only scratched the surface of- they haven't had the time or the life experience to deeply understand things, but they also haven't had the life experience to become jaded or cynical. Spending some time around them doing stuff that is not homework, can be fun, or at least interesting.

Do you want to be unfulfilled?

If you truly cannot find joy in anything, then you are likely suffering from depression, and you should go see a doctor. It won't get better by itself.

k_szeOP4y ago

> Why do you feel the need to do so many extra-curricular activities related to child education?

Because this is Hong Kong, and if you want to get into a good high school, and then a good university later in life, this is what you do here, unless either A) your kid has really high IQ and would skip years or B) you are rich and don't mind just paying your way through international schools.

My kids are not case A), and I'm not rich enough for B).

Schools here ask you "what credentials do you have (other then regular education)?", "have you won any competition?", etc. I'm not even doing that much, compared to other really competitive families.

qw3rty014y ago

Just want to emphasize the last sentence of the parent post, some of what you were describing really sounds like either leading to, or full blown depression, and want to mirror the recommendation to get professional help even if it feels like it would be a waste of time or bother people around you

jokethrowaway4y ago

Good schools are overrated, don't let them ruin your life

2 more replies

cultofmetatron4y ago

sounds like a dystopian nightmare. Makes me glad to live in a country where not getting into the best school doesn't automatically doom you to a lifetime of failure.

1 more reply

jjeaff4y ago

I have to keep reminding myself that my kids are completely new to everything. A lot of times I try to overthink activities and learning opportunities but then I will remember that they are children and something as simple as mixing food coloring and baking soda and vinegar in the kitchen can make for hours of fun activity.

jcpst4y ago

The last paragraph hits home. Going to a therapist has done wonders for me.

jcpst4y ago· 2 in thread

I’ll try not to do the quote/respond thing too much, but a few things about this post concern me.

> I don't have fun with my kids.

I think that’s a serious problem. Personally, I would prioritize that over all the studying and activities. They are kids. Fun is their job.

> I can't even play computer games when I want to because my kids take too darn long to finish their homework

Let them do their homework on their own, and you can play some games. It’s not your homework, let them do it.

Or just play games instead of the reading you don’t enjoy.

People, they’ll be fine without all the activities. Go out and have some fun together.

pm904y ago

Without understanding the OPs situation I would hesitate from giving advice. It’s really difficult to understand the root cause of peoples situations without knowing more about them.

jcpst4y ago

Advice can be given at face value, and advice can be taken that way as well.

I suppose I should add a disclaimer, in case this wasn’t already implied: you don’t have to take any advice from other people.

1 more reply

leaflets24y ago

> Even weekends are basically more studying and extra-curricular classes for my kids (ballet, phonics, mental math, painting)

Do they enjoy doing all these things? Thinking back to when I was a kid, I would rather have spent the time with friends, doing unplanned nothing special things.

I wonder if they don't actually have a weekend, instead, they have "work-end"?

What if both you and they would be happier, if you cancelled some of the extracurricular things.

Maybe they find things themselves to do -- for example, as a kid I bought books about software, and taught myself. But if you've decided that they are to learn painting etc (which is fun too I think :-)) then, maybe there's not much time left for them to decide?

Just some thoughts, what do I know. And I've made some guesses / assumptions about your situation, maybe they're incorrect

Edit: now i see you've in a way partly replied here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30933886

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse

0 comments

11 comments · 3 top-level

efitz4y ago· 6 in thread

Why do you keep doing things that don't make you happy?

Do you want to be unfulfilled?

If you truly cannot find joy in anything, then you are likely suffering from depression, and you should go see a doctor. It won't get better by itself.

k_szeOP4y ago

> Why do you feel the need to do so many extra-curricular activities related to child education?

My kids are not case A), and I'm not rich enough for B).

Schools here ask you "what credentials do you have (other then regular education)?", "have you won any competition?", etc. I'm not even doing that much, compared to other really competitive families.

qw3rty014y ago

jokethrowaway4y ago

Good schools are overrated, don't let them ruin your life

2 more replies

cultofmetatron4y ago

sounds like a dystopian nightmare. Makes me glad to live in a country where not getting into the best school doesn't automatically doom you to a lifetime of failure.

1 more reply

jjeaff4y ago

jcpst4y ago

The last paragraph hits home. Going to a therapist has done wonders for me.

jcpst4y ago· 2 in thread

I’ll try not to do the quote/respond thing too much, but a few things about this post concern me.

> I don't have fun with my kids.

I think that’s a serious problem. Personally, I would prioritize that over all the studying and activities. They are kids. Fun is their job.

> I can't even play computer games when I want to because my kids take too darn long to finish their homework

Let them do their homework on their own, and you can play some games. It’s not your homework, let them do it.

Or just play games instead of the reading you don’t enjoy.

People, they’ll be fine without all the activities. Go out and have some fun together.

pm904y ago

Without understanding the OPs situation I would hesitate from giving advice. It’s really difficult to understand the root cause of peoples situations without knowing more about them.

jcpst4y ago

Advice can be given at face value, and advice can be taken that way as well.

I suppose I should add a disclaimer, in case this wasn’t already implied: you don’t have to take any advice from other people.

1 more reply

leaflets24y ago

> Even weekends are basically more studying and extra-curricular classes for my kids (ballet, phonics, mental math, painting)

Do they enjoy doing all these things? Thinking back to when I was a kid, I would rather have spent the time with friends, doing unplanned nothing special things.

I wonder if they don't actually have a weekend, instead, they have "work-end"?

What if both you and they would be happier, if you cancelled some of the extracurricular things.

Just some thoughts, what do I know. And I've made some guesses / assumptions about your situation, maybe they're incorrect

Edit: now i see you've in a way partly replied here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30933886

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse