Ask HN: Hacker wannabe demotivated & depressed in need of help
I have been stuck in the Java enterprise world for the past 5 years and I believe I have lost my passion and the ability to learn new things.
I dream of working at a startup and contributing to open source working with cool technologies like rails, python, clojure, node, android...etc having a github repo full of interesting projects and being part of a community of passionate coders, however whenever I try to teach myself any of these technologies I keep failing and getting frustrated as soon as I hit a wall, I didn't used to be like this but now everything seems too hard! I keep looking at people's githubs and seeing thousands of hackers around the world with so much projects and technologies and I feel like an idiot, I feel like I will never be like them, I feel like I am stuck being a worthless developer for the rest of my life, this has made me depressed and demotivated, I really feel like a failure and I just don't know what else to do...
Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a hacker, maybe I lack or lost the hacker mentality...maybe I should just switch careers and become something else...I feel worthless and stupid but for the past few years my dream has been to become a top notch developer,I have tried "building things" but I never know what to build and as soon as I get an idea everything seems too hard to implement and I loose motivation, this has been building up for the past few years and now I feel depressed and hopeless...
What should I do HN? Sometimes I feel what I really need is a mentor but I keep thinking if I can't help myself then who can? I am desperate HN I am willing to do anything to get out of this hole I have put myself in...but I really need some advice to help me get up again.