sabatier

I had an orgasm today, the first in several weeks (I'm a female btw, in case it's relevant).

In the moments after orgasm I felt inspired to do things I would never have wanted to do before. I had fantasies like the way I used to fantasize as a teenager, that I haven't had since. My mind felt really alive for those brief moments.

It really brought home to me how I'm living only half a life. Whilst I'm not unhappy, I feel like my mind is dull, and I don't get excitement from things the way I used to as a child.

I know this is a fairly normal feeling for an adult. I just wish there were a easy way of getting back that child-like mind that was excited about every little thing, and full of imagination and plans to have fun. I could fantasize wonderful scenarios in my head that made me feel like I was experiencing them for real. Nowadays I rarely fantasize about anything.

Any suggestions on how I could get back this child-like zest for life....? Any quick hacks?

I have tried mindfulness on and off for the past several years but I've always gotten bored of it and never gotten to a point where I felt it was helping me. Maybe I need suggestions on how to persist with that until I see results?

I'm getting increasingly discouraged at how long it takes me to solve technical problems, whether it's during programming interviews or doing puzzles on the internet. I know the most common advice is to practice practice practice and that is what I have been doing - online puzzles, TopCoder etc etc, but I don't seem to be getting better. I have friends who are always able to solve these things much faster than me, seemingly without any practice.

This is holding me back from getting the job I want because I'm always so slow to come up with an answer during interviews.

The sad thing is that I have a PhD in CS from a top university, and an IQ in the high 130's, so on paper I'm not exactly stupid... But I always rationalize this and say that the only reason I got accepted was because of good grades due to excellent rote learning skills, not smartness.

Does anyone have any pearls of wisdom?