nerdyadventurer

I was diagnosed with OCD at 17 with depression and recovered, I thought OCD was the most debilitating illness. Then after college unemployed for years struggling to concentrate and finish things, was diagnosed with ADHD at 29. Got okay job small consulting firm (7 people) but left after being bored. I love coding but get dissapointed when I cannot concentrate, brain chatter keep me dragging in dozens of directions. I live in a developing Asian country where available meds are Atomoxitine, Methylphenidate(MPH) IR. Both does not improve focus even though it help with procrastination. Atomoxitine cause exhaustion, sexual dysfunction, MPH crashes leads to depression. Also tried following off labels

- Buproprion: 300mg No improvement, increase irritability. - Modafinil: 200mg No improvement, headache, irritability, insomnia. - Clonidine: 0.2mg, no improvement, irritability, insomnia.

Tried talk therapy not helpful at all, there are no trained therapist for comorbidity. Psychiatrist's knowledge also lacking about ADHD(MPH good drug since ADHD patients should respond to it, they also think release formulations does not matter). I run daily for about 15 minutes, practices focused breathing about 15 minutes. But I do not see improvement. I'm 32 years old, jobless, unmarried, never in a relationship. Even though comparisons are odious, my younger cousins have surpassed me even though I really have good knowledge of things than them. I struggle to execute things.

I'm also slow at processing social things so I think, I'm on ASD spectrum. 2024 my mom passed away after suffering from Parkinsonism. My dad is old, relatives are asking to get married, I do not know how to take care of someone else when I cannot pull my shit together, I'm trying hard everyday. I just want go to other country and get treated but I'm not in a financial position. It is really unlucky when you have ADHD and living a developing Asian country. I'm not sure anyone would hire me, wish I could do some project consistently and finish it. On one hand I think better to leave tech and do apply for Ausbildung. Then think I'll regret not trying harder. I also hate lying act pretend to get jobs wish world was more accepting.

Actually I'm tired of trying out meds, having to endure side effects, it is torture

It is quite annoying to receive promotional SMS from contacts without numbers(ex:DPROM), I am on Android, is there any way to block these kind of SMS?