devzill

Hey all.

I've been thinking recently about my personality and how it's affecting my professional opportunities. I was hoping perhaps someone here might have some advise?

So I'm on the austism spectrum. It's not severe, but bad enough that I often don't know what's funny and what isn't. I cant make small talk. And I find it generally hard to form relationships even when I try.

I also suffer from depression. I think about killing myself a lot. People hate depressed people. And I get it. I try to pretend I'm happy, but some days I can't and that pushes people away.

Being a solitary kid also caused me to develop an extreme shyness. It's better these days but I still have noticeable anxiety in social situations, and I tend to avoid them whenever I can. That makes it even harder for me to form relationships.

I was recently let go from my job and I'm certain part of that was due to me never really fitting in. And again, I understand why people wouldn't want someone like me around. I'm a terrible team player, I'm weird and unsociable, and when I do have to communicate I'm crippled by shyness.

I've spent my whole life trying and failing to start my own thing so I can get away from people. But it's never worked out, probably in part because I stuck at making the kinds of contacts I should be.

But I need to get a job soon because I'm going to be homeless in a few of weeks. I know if I apply to enough places someone will over look my awkwardness during the interview and give me job. But I'll never get promoted because I'm the weird guy in the corner. And one day the markets will change and I'l naturally be first in line to be let go.

I'm getting fed up with it honestly. I've always been bright, but that's doesn't mean much.

Is anyone in a similar position? What's the answer?

Oh, and if by any chance someone reading this happens to be looking for a depressed autistic developer, send me a message or something - I'm fully qualified for the position.