deep_concern

The other day my team was doing a small release. A female coworker, let's call her Sarah, reviewed and approved my PR for it. After deploying, someone else noticed some minor issues, and we decided to fix them. Sarah walked over and asked what's up so I told her. She realized a particular story was included in the release and was annoyed that I didn't "inform" her of it and implied I was sloppy. Surprised, I said I thought we were all on the same page and that now wasn't a good time because I was fixing stuff. She continued. I said I understood, but "you don't need to lecture me on this right now", and we could discuss afterwards.

The next day Sarah and I discuss. I pull up the PR and point out how obvious the story was. The discussion became increasingly heated and she said I had an attitude problem, and said my remark was "demeaning to say to a woman", and it's already bad enough in tech. This set off alarms to me. I immediately denied it having anything to do with her gender, or anything about her except the way she was acting, and to please not imply that I'm sexist or I'd have to walk away. She sort of backtracked, but it was already out there.

I admit I used a poor choice of words, but I don't believe I am sexist, nor do I have a history of making sexual remarks or advances on women.

Now I'm concerned she might tell HR or my manager and I don't want to be on the defensive. I'm afraid this could ruin my career. It's worth noting that she's a physical person and pats or hits me on the arm frequently in jest (I don't reciprocate), and has made a few sexual jokes privately, which I didn't think were a big deal at the time but now I'm rethinking it.

I'm not even sure WHAT I should tell HR, if anything at all.