Tremendous Iranian Invasion: A Text Misadventure
> PUSH BUTTON
A valet enters and hands you a Diet Coke.
> INVADE IRAN
You are not able to do that, yet.
> GO RIGHT
MAGA Right You are firmly on the right of the political spectrum. Elon Musk is here. Tucker Carlson is here.
> GO RIGHT
Extreme MAGA You are on the absolute furthest right edge of the political spectrum. Laura Loomer is here. Nick Fuentes is here.
> INVADE IRAN
You are not able to do that, yet.
> TAKE VACATION
Mar-a-Lago You are at your beautiful club in Florida. Kid Rock is here. There is a box of classified documents in the bathroom.
> GO RALLY
Campaign Rally You are at an airplane hangar in Pennsylvania, along with a massive crowd of patriots and the Fake News media in the back. There is a teleprompter here.
> READ TELEPROMPTER
You ignore the teleprompter and complain about the water pressure in modern showers for twenty minutes. In the distance, Iran enriches uranium to 60% purity.
> READ TELEPROMPTER
You ignore the teleprompter and discuss how windmills are destroying the birds. Iran enriches uranium to 90% purity.
> GO HOME
You fly on Trump Force One back to the White House. Oval Office
> GIVE SPEECH
Who do you want to give the speech to?
> TRUTH SOCIAL
You type the speech in all caps on your phone.
> INVADE IRAN
You are not able to do that, yet.
> THREATEN ALLIES
You threaten to pull out of NATO and tell European countries they need to pay their bills. Emmanuel Macron is here, looking exhausted.
> INVADE IRAN
(Leaving NATO first.) You are not able to do that, yet.
> FIRE EXPERTS
"The generals don't know what they are talking about. I know more about drones than anybody."
> CAPSLOCK DIPLOMACY
"TO THE LEADERS OF IRAN: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE."
> APPLY MAXIMUM PRESSURE
You sanction everything in Iran, including the pistachio farmers.
> IGNORE INTELLIGENCE
You replace the Director of National Intelligence with a loyalist from cable news. Your plan to attack Iran now has the backing of zero international allies, but the base loves it.
> INVADE IRAN
Tehran Airspace You enter Iranian airspace, having launched a massive, beautiful, perfect wave of tactical strikes. You can't seem to find the promised regime collapse, but the footage of the explosions looks tremendous on social media!
> GIVE CONTRACTS
Who do you want to give the contracts to?
> ELON
What kind of contracts do you wish to give to Elon?
> NO-BID LITHIUM MINING
You give the no-bid extraction contracts to Tesla.
> DECLARE VICTORY
"We had a perfect strike. Many people are saying it was the most successful military operation in history."
> STAY COURSE
The situation in the Strait of Hormuz deteriorates.
> EXAMINE MISSION
The mission is tied up in asymmetrical proxy warfare.
> STAY COURSE
The situation in the Strait of Hormuz deteriorates. Some drone swarms arrive.
> STAY COURSE
The situation in the Middle East deteriorates. Global shipping halts.
> DO TARIFFS
You apply a 200% tariff on any country that complains about the inflation spike. The situation in the Middle East deteriorates. Some ballistic missiles arrive.
> STAY COURSE
The situation in the Middle East deteriorates. Gas hits $9.00 a gallon.
> SCORE
Your favorability rating is 38% out of a possible 100%.
> ADMIT MISTAKES
Syntax error. Command not recognized.
> ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY
Error 404: Concept not found in database.
> BLAME DEEP STATE
"The radical left Marxist generals completely botched the beautiful plan I handed them."
> QUIT
Oh, how we wish you would.
Inspired by http://bit.ly/42rw5X6