beginagain

My values don't even gravitate towards money. I realize how foolish it is to chase money. Yet I feel very sad when I think about Mark Cuban just hopping in his private jet, gambling 10 million dollars away in Vegas, and then heading to New York to spend 10k on a sushi dinner without thinking twice.

I know I will never have that.

I have saved over a million dollars and I make over 60k per year in passive income (actually made 160k so far this year), but I worked for 8 years for that money. And I went to school for 4 years in order to get that job.

At that rate, I will never know what it is to be rich. I am an INFP on the Meyers-Briggs personality test. I guess we aren't supposed to make the best entrepreneurs, but I can't imagine myself doing anything else than running my own enterprise. Maybe I just like the thought of it, but maybe I don't have what it takes to make it happen.

Everyone is out for themselves nowadays. I have reached out to so many people. So many.

I have had a year to think my way out of this, but I keep going in circles. I think I should just shut up and get a job and try to be normal. I mean, I don't think I have the intestinal fortitude to do that, but I guess maybe I should.

I really see myself crashing and burning, becoming homeless or committing suicide. This world seems like a lie, and I will never get what I want. That is only for people who aren't me.

I am pretty sure all this is true and I won't pull out of it. I wish so bad it wasn't true. I really want to live a happy life. I just don't think I will. I don't think I will ever be rich, and it really bothers me.

And I know that none of the comments are going to get me out of my situation, but I post this in hopes that I am wrong and cynical. But I have seen it too many times where nothing changes, things just stay the same.

So I'm 31, and decided to change careers. I was previously an engineer (not CS), and did well @ a small company, made and saved money, and now I make about 60k per year after tax from my invested money.

I live off about 2.5k per month, but can probably live off less, so I'm still saving money per year, but not making any money other than my investments. I made about 20k worth of angel investments via angel.co, so hopefully I win the lottery there, but I'm not planning on it.

I have always tooled around with computers, but I'm nowhere near an expert, nor have I ever been a coder.

I am currently taking the one month rails course, and also considering something like LPTHW or similar, with the main goal in mind to just make prototypes, then hire the real talent if I get something going. I don't expect to get hired as a dev, but what about getting work or consulting from front end stuff, or just prototype stuff?

I read posts on here all the time about people who have CS degrees, the whole 9 yards and have problems finding work. So it seems asinine for me to believe that I could do it on my own.

What should I expect? Should I just accept that my life is going to suck and go back to my old job that I hated? I really don't like not working, but I really don't see how this whole coding thing is going to work out for me. I need some HONEST feedback. I feel like maybe I've been a bit jaded by all this entrepreneur/ self taught coder talk. I mean, my chances to make millions doing this is pretty much non existent, isn't it?