alexeldeib

My parents turned 70 this year. They both have deteriorating health and independence, albeit in different ways. I want to help them but they are very set in their ways. What would you do?

My mother has hip mobility issues and is extremely stubborn about any invasive procedures. She needs surgery but vehemently refuses it and I feel that’s a losing battle. She’d accept physical therapy but that’s probably the limit. She doesn’t like doctors generally; she took a hard fall down the stairs recently, hit her head with a good amount of bleeding (no confusion/signs of concussion), and refused to see a doctor because she thought she felt fine. She’s incredible at rationalizing why any argument you might have or gentle nudge you might suggest doesn’t make sense. I’d need to decide she’s going and make her do what I think is right.

My dad doesn’t take care of himself if left alone. He’s a pack rat and has a terrible diet, tons of cheese, yogurt, and rich/fatty products. When I come home and cook anything, it’s what he eats the whole week. He doesn’t want to do any meal prep, he has odd peculiarities like not wanting “messy” food (like oil on salad leaves, apparently?)

Beyond their personal quirks, they have to do a lot of work around the house. Since my dad is a pack rat, my mom has to clean up if she wants the house clean, which plays on her mobility issues. He helps with chores but everyday tasks are tedious; she avoids going up/down stairs as much as possible and that’s nearly impossible with our house layout.

I love my parents and want their lives to be easier. After seeing her fall, I’m also terrified by the idea it could have happened when no one was around, so I want to keep a closer eye on them.

We live hundreds of miles apart, I can’t check on them easily, and I don’t trust them to tell me what’s going on. They would probably let me set up anything I want back home, so I’m wondering about either technical solutions or services that could help them. Frankly their house layout is not friendly as they age, but I think that’s a non starter.

Things I’ve considered:

- Apple/smart watch with fall detection, auto emergency calls, panic button.

- professional declutterer/ongoing cleaning service.

- prepared meal service for my dad to eat healthier

- whatever the human equivalent of a furbo is

- find her a pcp she trusts?

- ?