SpanishConf

I am in a pretty bad spot right now, and I do not know simply what do with my life. I am from Spain, 19, and M. I graduated from HS 1 year ago and went to a what is considered a 2nd-tier Uni here in Spain to study CS, because my grades in HS and the SAT were bad.

I had never actually “coded” or had done anything remotely CS related before I went to Uni.

I chose CS mainly because I’ve always been interested in tech but just let’s just say in the “consumer-oriented” aspect of it, never really having acquired a useful skill throughout all the years I’ve spent in front of a PC being an introvert in HS, other than I guess ENG. And so, during my 1st semester I failed all of my finals.

I also don’t know how to study or actually learn things by the way.

I failed all of my finals because of a combination of reasons, but I’d say the biggest one by far is my own laziness and lack of will to actually work, and also me not being “smart” when it comes down to math and such, with which I’ve struggled all my life, which makes you think “oh, why did you go into CS, then”.

Now, after dropping outta Uni this last June, I’m staying at my parents’ home for a year, getting my driver’s license and such and preparing for Vocational School next year, which I couldn’t get into this year because in my region of Spain you could only apply during the Month of May and I fucked up. I am planning to choose “Web Development”, but I haven’t done anything throughout this last summer and up until now. During all my years in HS I also lied to other people about who I was. I even told them I made trailers for DICE and made money online, so now I have no friends I can speak in town where my parents live because other than the fact that they’re all in university I am ashamed of all of those lies I told and the false persona I created to justify my introversion. I’m depressed, in a way. I’m scheduled to see psychologist in 2-wa, so we’ll see.

Anyways, if you’ve made it this far, thanks in advance