DevToRecruiter

She was my first and currently only relationship. I have two kids with her. I cannot imagine being with anyone else. I’m not religious but our marriage felt sacred. It’s been 4 years and I’m still going through hell. I tried telling myself I didn’t love her but I still do. We have no contact except regarding the kids. It’s eating me alive.

I’m in talk therapy and have tried many other therapies so far without any success. I’m not in an emotional space where I can even “replace” her and even if I was that doesn’t seem healthy.

There’s this piece of me that’s holding on to what could have been and I don’t know how to let go. Does anyone have experience in dealing with this?

I know this isn’t typical HN. But I’ve posted an emotional support questions here in the past with great success.

I don't know if this is the right place for this but here are my stats. I'm a 32yo male, divorced with 2 kids whom I have little access to at the moment. My childhood friendships have withered, my divorce left me untrusting of women (at least for now). I work alone and don't have many opportunities to meet new people organically.

The thing is I don't even like hanging out with people most of the time but I get into this space where it feels like a biological necessity.

Does anyone have any tips on how to give myself attention? Or, in other words, how can I learn to be alone without feeling lonely? I feel like I need this lifeskill in order to proceed in my life.

I have a pattern of loneliness pushing me into making very foolish decisions.