How have you found purpose in your life?

I spent a long time on this question in my 30s. For me the ideas of Albert Camus are what stuck. Essentially we're in an absurd situation as humans where we have brains that want to find purpose and meaning in a universe that seems to be devoid of meaning (in a universal sense). But the silver lining on that is that it means finding purpose/meaning is actually simple - you get to choose what feels meaningful to you and can pursue that without worrying about what any external parties think is meaningful. That won't get rid of the instinct to search for meaning, but at least you can be mindful of it and not let it stress you out all the time.

For me, it feels meaningful to play with and educate my daughter. But also it feels very meaningful to find ways to help others through philanthropy and to just spend time learning more about the natural world. Before learning all this I looked for meaning in more egotistical places like career prestige and "achievements" but they just felt empty to me.

I now think that the search for meaning/purpose from an external source is a futile trap that you can burn large chunks of lifetime on.

First, congrats on giving up alcohol. I did the same 3.5 years ago, best decision of my life.

I do train martial arts (Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai), have a garden, like to cook, read, etc.

But I've never found any real purpose for life, although I love Buddhism, and felt most complete when I was traveling through Bangkok with my girlfriend, visiting temples, meditating, and just living life.

Buddhism gives me a clarity of mind and a feeling of happiness that I was lacking without it. The purpose, essentially, is to end suffering in the world (as well as within yourself). Life is suffering. We can put out the flames, little by little.

In general, I think life philosophies are what people lack. You might try reading the Stoics and see the ways in which they recommend living life, or, like me, adopt a branch of Buddhism. But do explore as many philosophies as you can. Find one that clicks for you. And don't forget to travel.

It's frustrating that you explicitly said you don't want kids and 1/4 of the responses are "have kids".

I would suggest (re)watching Groundhog's Day.

After that I would suggest taking up a hobby that involves actual progress. Music, sketching, dance. Something you can really fail at and that isn't practical.

Cooking and running are practical self-care. Some people elevate them to the level of achievement but you aren't experiencing that satisfaction or drive there.

Reading is just media consumption.

Pick something you can't do but that you wish you could do. Try to become non-shitty at it. Rinse and repeat until something clicks.

Set a schedule. Practice the guitar once a week.

It won't necessarily be a purpose. Most people don't find a purpose, they just arrange a useful set of dopamine pumps that satisfies them. That's enough for a primate, especially in recovery.

Our lives don't mean anything. We're stuck in a pyramid scheme where the only "meaning" is to have a kid and hope the kid finds a purpose. The kid has the same problem so they procreate. Ad infinitum, ad absurdum.

Searching for purpose is futile. Searching for satisfaction has a chance.

What if I told you there is no purpose?

Maybe this is crazy but what helped me is to just accept everything is not real except what I perceive right now. Don’t take this the wrong way but you for example are just a construct that happened to ask this question and I pondered upon it. Similarly I might be the same for you.

I find that liberating because then it means whether or not it’s real it just is my present situation. I just need to get through this “existence” because who knows what comes next or before. It’s all unknown and that’s kind of cool.

Like the best video game ever with endless mini games built in. And this might be a mini game too.

I will say a few things. When things like giving up alchohol happen your brain will do a lot of things to trick back into the drug. Like, for example, making the things you previously enjoyed seem not fun or fulfilling like they used to, all a ploy to get you back on the drink. I'm not an expert.

Speaking from experience the number one thing that gave me purpose in life is kids. There is nothing more purposeful that having something that you love more than yourself. I tell everyone this and I understand that you may not agree. Having kids is the greatest thing you will ever do. When you're 60 sitting at home you're going to wish you would have had them.

Non-kid suggestions would be start a project, that you can feel ownership over. You own it and make something of it. You are responsible for its success or failure. Again, I'm no expert.

Nothing I found. Note that I have a job, a couple of hobbies and a family, but nothing sticks.

Job is just a job. Hobbies become jobs if I dip too deep (like writing an interpreter), and family is mostly chores so it's job anyway.

But TBH I have never met anyone who figured that out. My wife apparently does not have a purpose, unless you count growing up the kid as one. My parents in law doom scroll tiktok and other similar apps everyday. My parents doom scroll the same apps and make posts criticizng the government everyday.

My best friend owns a small workshop so he is pretty deep into his work. But he told me he does not enjoy the work. He has few hobbies and little time anyway.

My other best friend owns maybe 10 renting properties. He is very good at it I can tell you, but apparently he likes to be busy but hate the content.

My another friend actually likes his job, but he also wants to write iOS apps and be a indie. I do not think he has found the purpose either, although he is probably in the best shape mentally.

I know a few other friends but they are mostly in the same shape. They all own some small businesses so they are sort of passionate about working, but that is defintely not their calling if you ask me. They do fare better than the salary earners I guess.

Yes, in two different senses - my fundamental purpose I found in my spiritual faith, and then that works out in my practical day-to-day as creating things, helping people, being in relationship with people. From your description of a pretty solid life & relationships, I'd echo other responses and say that you may need to find a core philosophy, be it spiritual or otherwise. Humanity has struggled with these questions forever, and I think studying the answers those who have came before will be helpful. Intentional development and maintenance of other friendships is very important as well - strong social network is both fulfilling and healthy!

Personally, if I'd be smarter or more agreeable/better with authority, I'd personally work at a place that'd advance science. Advancing human knowledge and helping with unraveling the mystery of why the hell we are here would be a part of my purpose.

But I strongly dislike how little academia pays and how much politics it has. It's not like I can pick out a problem myself that seems unsolvable and try to have a crack at it. Also, the problems to solve feel way too hard with the skillset I have.

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to know everything. I can't let that go. I'm not the brightest, and yet I'm still following that mission.

I recently read "Four Thousand Weeks" and that book makes some great points on this subject: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/54785515-four-thousand-w...

Another evergreen recommendation for this topic of course is: "Man's Search for Meaning" https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4069.Man_s_Search_for_Me...

Wishing you the best on your journey

> I STILL cannot crack the purpose and meaning stuff.

Same with 99% of humans! Don't be too hard on yourself.

As for suggestions, I'll echo the others' thoughts about having or adopting kids. Very strong agree.

In addition to that, try to take it all back to the deepest root you can find. Why are humans here? Think about how we were formed by the universe, over time. Why would we have these abilities to think and make and decide? These are the kinds of questions that can lead you to a deeper sense of purpose and meaning. I wrote a book about this, but I always suggest people try to write it out themselves.

Some questions to get you started: 1. Try to explain how humanity fits into the big picture of the universe. Through introspection and examination of the natural world, show how the universe created us.

2. Look at one human’s purpose in the broad landscape of humanity, and try to understand why we find purpose in creating things for the rest of society to enjoy.

3. Look at the order of our universe, our society, and our individual abilities, and try to see how they are naturally linked.

Building stuff to take care of others. While I agree with those stating that kids give you purpose, for me it gave a lot, ... but not purpose in life.

The more I reflect on what brings me fulfilment in life is: 1) projects that are physical in nature. Meaning something you can touch. Building a house, cleaning the environment, event building IKEA furniture. (Latter is not so much a purpose for life, but it's a piece of the Project House which is for my family) 2) Building business - it has multiple sides of it - you take care of your clients (B2B especially as you get familiar with clients and their problems) and you take care of your family (money / security wise) 3) Building community - to take care of environment for people living around you.

Ultimately - there is no purpose in life, we can only create it for ourselves. While some may think it's depressing, for me it's liberating - you don't need to search for something you haven't lost and instead build something of your own.

Congrats on the sobriety! Will be 5 years for me this May. I also found myself in a similar place as you in the months that followed quitting drinking: feeling a bit “now what?” and seeking some sort of guidance or structure for my life beyond the empty platitudes I saw in most self help content.

And then at just the right time I came across these three blog posts which really helped create a personal roadmap of sorts. Sharing in the hope that they get you closer to what you’re seeking!

1. 7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose https://markmanson.net/life-purpose

2. How to Grow Up and Be More Mature https://markmanson.net/how-to-grow-up

3. Personal Values: How to Know Who You Really Are https://markmanson.net/personal-values

Congrats on sobriety and sharing some of your struggles. I remember when I first had the desire to build a business, I probably spent a month going in circles thinking about all the different problems I was going to need to solve and tools/languages I was going to need to learn. I never really made any progress, so I decided to focus on just the name of the business and then buy the URL. It might have been premature since the business wasn't figured out (I ended up changing it later), but having a name, at least let me mentally move forward with the product and design.

I haven't spent much time thinking about my purpose in life, but I think I would approach it in a similar way. Take small steps (e.g. talk to someone new about what they love in life, rediscover an old hobby) and trust that the steps will build over time into your ultimate goal.

I understand where you are. In my case, 40 years old, happily married with kids, and I still had this lack of purpose. Being completely honest with you, spirituality totally changed my life. I tried lots of paths, stoicism, Buddhism, but Christianism was the answer for me. I really hope you find your way!

My only advice is (to quote Arnold Schwarzenegger) is to be useful. To yourself, your wife, family, pets, friends, job (people), hobby groups, community.

Produce things/knowledge using your skills (present and future skills) that others need/want but can't produce for themselves.

At the moment I am busting my ass to get ahead at work so that's my focus. But...

I have a 22 year old adult daughter (I had her when I was 19) - she didn't grow up with me (I did provide financial support) but I do feel connected to her. Its nice she exists. She's even finished college. I would though like to have 1-2 more children (I am 42 so its possible) ideally in the next 2 years.

I plan also, as a hobby, to make a 'social' boardgame. I hope one day it can be turned into a web application.

I would also like to write a blog / write stories.

When I'm retired I would like to help out with community stuff too.

I want to try and be useful and spread kindness till I'm gone. Other people are all we have.

Some thought questions:

Do you find your purpose internally or externally?

Are you able to identify extremes of purpose vs no purpose? Is there a scale you are using for that?

Some examples (these are just my thoughts... could be very wrong...) 1. Externally - I want to buy a car or a house. Internally - I was able to solve a problem.

2. Is taking a nap purposeful? When would it stop having purpose? Is making a song purpose? If not, why? If yes, why?

For me, the more I dig on purpose, the more I realize I judge so much about what I do. And, often the measurement is money. If it doesn't make money, it has no purpose.

We all die eventually, but if you dedicate your life to something bigger than yourself, then you can feel like your life was for something and that a part of you will live on.

Historically, many people have gotten this sense of "something bigger" from things like kids/church/patriotism/etc. But you don't necessarily need things external things like this. I used to feel a sense of purposelessness like you, but I've gotten a lot of satisfaction from trying to live my life according to a set of higher principles.

What frustrates you in life? If conflict bothers you, try to find ways to foster peace and cooperation between others. If ignorance bothers you, try to find ways to teach others, and spread knowledge that you feel is important. If inequality bothers you, find ways to help effect change in the world. These are just examples; I have my own things I care about, but that's not important, as you might be completely different.

The possibilities are endless, so don't expect to figure out what works for you right away. It takes time to figure out what principles resonate with you, and it's not trivial to create a personal code to live by, but I believe it's totally worth it.

Good job getting sober!

I have a similar background, alcoholic for about 20 years. Mid-life, married and no kids (and wife+me do not want kids).

Life is purposeless, that is why people fill it with religion or children.

It's up to us to make something out of it, and I believe social interactions is the best way to it.

So, for some suggestions, I'd suggest get out there and find some new friends who share some interests. Or maybe pick up some new hobbies/interests.

A crucial point i think is to put yourself out there to experience new impressions, that's what usually make me the most happy. Take a long walk in the sun and experience a new place for the first time.

Here's some things I do to avoid drinking:

* exercising by chopping woods, digging ditches and building stuff.

* learning wood working

* looking for treasure with metal detector

* learning more about biology by being outside and studying plants, birds, bugs and all that.

* hang out with animals. me+wife got some horses, chicken and cats. they are awesome!

* offered myself to produce visual effects for a local band live gigs, as a bonus i get to show off my programming visually which is rare for a backend-dev

* picked up bee-keeping, both cheap and challenging hobby

* farming. watching stuff grow that you care for is meaningful in some self-fulfilling sense. also co-farming with other neighbors

* joined a sewing circle, great social place and as a bonus managed to mend a lot of broken clothes

Good luck out there!

The essence of existence lies in aiding others—be it humans, animals, or the environment. Witness the profound satisfaction that comes from lending a hand.

I have to agree with jebarker, you have to start with the realization that there is no meaning to life. We just grew here.

The reason this first step is so hard for so many people, is due to a major lack of perspective. We scope our lives within the framework of human social interaction. We completely ignore the physical reality of our life: the astronomical improbability of our existence as a semi-self aware life form.

This search for purpose really does seem to be something that happens in people's 30s. In that era (over 30 years ago for me!) I also went through it. I eventually created my own framework (hey, we're all engineers here, right?) that I called probablism.

I did a back of the napkin estimate to the total mass of the earth/solar system/universe, and then compared this to the total mass of all life on earth/all "higher" life forms/all humans. I inferred from this ratio the probability of being a sentient being, as opposed to inanimate matter.

The ratio is, literally, astronomical! If I remember correctly, something like 1 in 10^^50! This is how outrageously lucky we are to even be here talking with each other! We're SO much more likely to be part of a cloud of interstellar hydrogen 8-) But then ask yourself, how often do I consider this incredible good fortune when considering my outlook on life?

Instead of focusing on just how lucky we are to be here at all, we spend our days worrying about how we compare to other people! We worry about social position, wealth, influence. It's a total failure of perspective!

The older I've become, the more obvious this failure was to me, and the more I've appreciated just having a chance to be alive.

Enjoy life son! We're only here for brief moment, and we should appreciate just how lucky we are to have that moment.

Why must there be a purpose? The attachment to the desire that there is purpose is flawed. Imagine living in the 3rd century BC, and some one comes up to you and says "They just discovered the world is round!" Although a monumental discovery, palatable in your day to day. Start doing things, and at some point you'll find new things you like to do.

Kids, inadvertently

Obviously don't "have them" to get your life in order.

There have been points where I've become dissatisfied with where I'm at and have pondered the question, and now I do believe career and consumer outlets end up being hollow distractions at a certain point, but I don't have a narrow purpose. Instead, I've learned to appreciate that it's the ways you engage your curiosity over time, the way you treat yourself, the time you give others, as well as the things you do to make life a little easier for others, that make life wonderful.

Kids or a house have never and aren't likely going to be part of my future, and there will probably come a time where the absence of those life stages makes me wonder what else there is, but until then it's important to preserve and grow with the people I see walking on the street, my friends, family, girlfriend etc.. and write a little code and do a bit of work ideally along the way.

Not to be a downer, but one perspective is that there is no meaning to be found and any purpose is yours to define. Both Stoic and Absurdist thinkers have written from this angle. I'm not an expert, but realizing there have been smart folks dealing with the same issue since ...forever, has helped me power through. Exercise is a good choice, spending time with my dog and experiencing life through their eyes, being out in nature and connecting with the geology and biology, the physics and chemistry of existence fills some gap for me. YMMV

Cooking is creative, and you're building something interesting or delightful, but it's not made to last.

Maybe it would help to put some of that same type energy into building something more concrete over a longer term, that might have the ability to stand the test of time.

It would take a certain amount of purpose just to conduct the actions needed, and this may not be your ultimate purpose but you may very well know better by then.

How about purposefully taking action that would not have been possible before, whether it is very challenging or well within reach?

My personal opinion

I feel needed: my children and family need me for support, my cat depends on me. I have customers and I need to solve problems, fix software, and add new features every day. I am happy to share some fresh or useful information with others. If others thank me, I will be very happy.

The sense of value of being needed is the string of the kite. If no one needs you, you are out of touch with society.

Super serious question: What the fuck do you think purpose and life meaning is supposed to look like?

Seriously, because it isn't like a movie where the clouds open up. God isn't talking to you from a flaming bush. You're not going to achieve buddhist enlightenment or something like that. What are your expectations of what purpose/meaning/etc in life is supposed to be that you're disappointed?

Just go outside. Hangout with people. Listen to people's stories. Don't hunt for the purpose of life. You will find it eventually. Also do what you like, not what other people suggests.

Getting married and having kids. Even if you adopt. Some have said a marriage without children is self serving, which may be fine for many, but is counter to your aim of a purpose greater than you

Not really. I just go to work. Come home. Walk the dog. Cook, eat, sleep, and repeat.

This became super evident when I was filling out my benefits insurance form and found that aside from my mom, who is much older than me I have no beneficiaries.

I guess I have only my dog and my mom to live for.

Congrats on giving up the drinking OP. That's awesome bro! I suppose you could find purpose in sharing with others your journey on how to give up booze.

Learning a new skill that’s very different from what you do at work. I’ve found passion in reading and learning about financial markets and their cyclical nature.

As others have said kids. Even if you don't want to have your own or adopt any, find young people to mentor in some capacity. It could be your nieces or nephews, neighbors, or kids you work with through a volunteer organization. If you're into sports junior and pee-wee leagues are always looking for coaches.

Also just in general change your mindset to being a producer and a giver instead of a consumer and a taker. Taking up a hobby such as wood working, leather working, or music where you can produce some tangible result for your efforts can do wonders for your mental health.

Biological purpose is the foundation of everything else.

The microservices people must be too busy to comment.

Help others. Any skills you have, there's people earlier on the path. Find people like that who are stuck on something, help and mentor.

The only thing that gives meaning to live is having children.

Your entire existence is just a very complicated way the DNA has to replicate.

Let that sink in

Helping others like volunteering, teaching, etc is something that gives people a sense of purpose, does that interest you?

I have at least three but at 40+ I'm still nowhere near being able to not work and devote myself to them. :(

Find a big problem you care about and start doing your part to solve it by taking small steps.

If drinking leaves you in a mental fog I would suggest it's not the fact that you're drinking daily but rather the quantity you're drinking. I've been almost teetotal for a few years for no deliberate reason, but before that a drink a day certainly did not create a mental fog.

I don't think there is a purpose to life. I used to think I was an existentialist and thus believed it's up to me to find my purpose. So I kept looking for a purpose and I kept getting increasingly more depressed by not being able to find it. Recently I understood that I am in fact an absurdist: I don't think there is a point to this game, and thus I don't delude myself into trying to look for it - this realization really took a lot of weight off my shoulders. But: a true absurdist par excellence would do the most absurd thing he can and STILL look for some purpose, despite assuming there is none. Ernest Becker while himself dying of cancer wrote in "The Denial of Death" of strong human need for some "immortality project" - something that outlasts the decaying human form; something more than your own form to keep going on as if for you, after you. Probably the most direct path to such thing is to have a child, but it could also be coming up with a cure for cancer, or fighting for some other good cause. How would you like to be immortalized and do you even care?

As an eventual-athiest I spent a long time trying to uncover a "purpose" for my life and failing hard. People would say I had to "make my own purpose", but I was cynical and felt the world was filled with mean-spirited and incompetent idiots on a path to inevitable worsening scenarios and eventual extinction.

For many years I lived a very hedonistic lifestyle with the idea in the back of my mind that I would just off myself whenever life got too hard or I just tired of it.

Eventually, like many others here, I came to the logical conclusion that the purpose of life is to propogate itself. On further reflection I began to notice more positive traits of humanity. I stopped reading the news and started spending more time on local interactions with individuals. I decided humans, though flawed, were as good a candidate to replicate their form across time and space as any other.

I enjoyed interacting with children, but I didn't want to bring a new life into a world of suffering and I was not in a position to offer a stable upbringing so having a kid of my own was off the table. Instead, I focused on other ways I could improve the odds for team human, helping those around me reach their own goals and lead more fulfilling lives; and working on structures to help overcome and minimize the inherent flaws of humanity.

As I worked to help others, more rewards (both material and psychological) flowed back to me personally and I gained a more optimistic outlook.

Eventually I found myself in a place where I could reasonably expect to offer a secure life and a healthy upbringing so I did have some children of my own. This cemented my newfound perspective even more and since then I have found meaning in working to ensure their future and to instill in them a sense of meaning and civic responsibility that I hope will benefit humanity in the long run.

It sounds like you don't want to have children and I definitely don't recommend doing it just to "find meaning," but consider what you can do to help create a fair and prosperous future for your species.

What's your MBTI?

Find your true self.

Sorry but the analytically minded crowd is probably the worst place to look for advice on meaning and purpose.

Here's my take: meaning and purpose are akin to solar flares. They are the byproducts of the engine at work. Without the engine there are no flares. So burn yourself up, create heat, the flares will follow.

Teaching your own kids gave me purpose

As others already pointed out the simple answer is that "purpose" is a concept that only exists within a rational mind. And rational minds are only known to exist in humans so far. Where does it leave us? Unless you believe in deities, we have to accept that purpose is a human concept and as such is a thing only humans can define. Who else? Considering that you will have a couple of options:

1. Listen to what smart people say and accept their belief about the purpose of life. (by the way most will agree with the above paragraph and accept there is no inherent purpose in life other than what we decide it should be).

2. Listen to what the majority of people say and go with it.

3. Define for yourself.

It is quite clear that number 3 is the one we would recommend, because only this way can you guarantee the purpose of life which you have defined is something that fits to your view in life.

In the end you will maybe see that the question about the "purpose" of life is a paradox. Life exists on itself, without us, and without us reasoning about it. So why would it need a purpose? A purpose implies that there is a design, a creator.

For this reason I dislike the terminology "purpose" and I rather like to say that we may choose to take on a life task.

Due to contrasting and negative experiences in my life I chose my task to be liberation of or from the mind. The basic idea is to liberate ourselves from constant pondering, worrying, and analyzing which our mind is doing constantly because we needed that to gain an evolutional advantage. But mostly we are unharmed today and not in peril, so our mind is underutilized and we develop psychological illnesses. This is my personal take, maybe yours will be different in the end, maybe it will be similar, who knows.

If you are interested to learn more, I can tell you that there are many many variations of it throughout history, some may call it religion, spirituality, meditation, zen, etc. In the end all of these things boil down to looking outside of yourself at the wonders of the world and inside yourself at your own feelings at same time in order to stop our attachment to the mind which is solely concerned with trying to reason about things which are inexplicable. And most religions, be it hinduism, buddhism, taoism, christianity, or whoever have similar takes on this. The idea is living in the present moment instead of in the future or past, where our mind mostly spends it's energy.

Nobody can tell you what the purpose of life is, you have to chose for yourself. If you choose to take on something which has stood the test of time and was formed over thousands and thousands of years, an idea forged by millions of people, you may chose to engage also in the art of letting go, of freeing the mind, of stopping to worry. Or as Patanjali the writer of the famous Yogasutra called it: Stopping to identify with the ebbs and flows of the mind.

There are so many ways to dive into this topic, like Yoga, meditation, or books like Eckart Tolle's "The power of Now", or even a lot more in popular literature. It has helped millions or billions of people in human history to engage in some form of meditative praxis or spirituality, for a good reason.

Ask HN:

I have kids. A job that I mostly enjoyed. A beautiful and lovely wife. A nice place, and the love and admiration of many people. I have many hobbies: cooking, bicycling, tennis, movies, listening to and exploring music, writing (in my mother tongue), anime, sci-fi, and probably my major passion, learning. Learning about almost anything and keep learning. All of this is ultra-selfish, I know, and I don't take it as a meaningful purpose in life not even as an achievement.

I grew up in the middle of a communist family in Latin America. I was taught many things related to it, but something that impacted my whole life was being an atheist. However, nowadays I have a more agnostic point of view. Religion, god, divinities, supra-natural concepts, and anything that goes beyond the rational perspective have been outside of my life purpose. This was frustrating, mostly in my youth, when everyone had a path for their lives and beyond, heaven, illumination, the sense of community built by their believes, etc. I had to work by myself to try to build that purpose.

Then, one day I realized that not having a purpose in life was liberating, as others mentioned before. I can do and have anything, like what I said in the first paragraph. Not having that burden of purpose is the best part of being a human being. You, literally, can be anything without restrictions. It's in your conscience if you opt to be a dickhead or drive your path with empathy and compassion.

We are social creatures. Providing value to others arguably leads to better long term satisfaction with life (unless psycho/sociopaths, they need not worry about this)

It can be through having kids, but also through teaching others, passing on knowledge or being of help to others through work or inventions.