It comes down to cultural norms, really. Where I am, a plain brusque "Do this" is rude. You act that way to people you really dislike.

So the social interaction is you come up to me and are deliberately hostile and then order me to do something. That's what you do to an employee you dislike and wish would quit.

Obviously I'm capable of understanding different people communicate differently, and I can deal, but that's always the initial reaction I'm going to have.

In my experience, the disconnect in this thread comes from three things:

1. Different cultures. What's rude in California might not be in Finland.

2. Autistic people vs neurotypical. Autistic people don't see the underlying message of (I hate you, please quit) underlying the surface "Do this" conversation.

And they (understandingly!) feel excluded and gaslit and frustrated. The solution there is for everyone to understand and work around the disconnect.

3. Antisocial HN nerds. There's always a few here who clearly don't care about other people and view them as things to be used and discarded. Other people aren't worth any effort.

> Do you know why you feel this way?

It seems genetic instead of cultural, at least in my case. The local culture is quite direct about commands. And when I look at my father, I see the same trait. Far stronger, actually.

> How does it make you feel when somebody says that?

When someone is bossing around, I suddenly start to feel extremely independent and being robbed of my agency. I'm likely to do the opposite, just to manifest/assert my "rights". Just a slight change of phrasing (or my own attention) can direct the decision to a different circuit.

And the other side of the deal is that "I must" always means for me a very deep intrinsic motivation. I feel so much motivated about variety of the weirdest stuff that there's just no room left in me for "there's a societal expectation for you to do X".

> Does this stay true even for a significant other?

Of course, we often joke about it.

People should put effort in how they convey the message.

If they don't put it, they don't care about you.

A manager who doesn't care how he conveys the message, (or doesn't care how the same message is received differently by his different reports), doesn't care about his reports.