My point is that the "I don't know how to talk to you" guy is participating in the conversation of how we move towards equality. It's as important to be sensitive to confused likely allies as it is to be sensitive to victims of inequality. Obviously you don't know a person by just a couple lines of a story, but it seems very likely he wants to be a positive influence he just doesn't know what to do. It's so very important to assist him in taking the right path while avoiding condemnation. Pointing at him and calling him the same names we call the physically aggressive guys is going to be counter-productive. It's just as easy to consider him part of the problem as it is to consider him a likely part of the solution whose ignorance is the result of the problem.