Without spoiling the plot of a certain film, you'd want to be an AI or augmented human capable of maintaining one million relationships simultaneously. Simple.
Tom from Myspace probably has a shot.
Also, I think given how little quality time you can give to each friend, you need to have very convincing qualities that may not be achieved by technology alone (if you're thinking about automation of relationship management).
Both sets of values seem unobtainable to the average "random Joe".
Perhaps you can divulge why you require such arbitrary values?
Better yet, ask yourself: why do I need (or feel the need for) people to respond to my messages within 1 min? What is wrong with my outlook and time management?
