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0 pointsrio51710y ago0 comments

I have been super broke and unable to pay bills at two points in my life - just out of college and trying to find a job after the dot-come bust, and again when my startup failed. During those bad times, I'd lose track of my finances and a few times couldn't pay for my groceries.

I can't describe in words how much I felt like a total, utter failure. All the fears I had about how I was going to pay my bills that month, the pressure from family to pay them back for money borrowed, the pressure from roommates to come up with rent - all came bubbling up in those moments.

After all, I was the first kid in my family to go to college. I was the smart one who was supposed to have his shit together, but there I was - totally broke. It creates a fear that is not rational and hasn't gone away (at least for me).

About a year ago, I forgot my bank card at TJ's and only had $20 bucks on me. I was embarrassed in ways I can't describe. I was cold sweating to the point I was soaking my shirt. I had to leave everything except for some essentials I needed for that night. One of the cashiers lent me $5 to help me pay for my groceries (I paid him back). I feel weird that I accepted the $5, but I wasn't thinking rationally. I wanted to scream "no, really, I have my shit together now." I kept telling myself that this is not a big deal... chill out... But I just couldn't calm myself down. It was like poverty PTSD.

Even though I now have paid off all my debt, school loans and have a healthy nest egg, I still have these fears. Whenever my card won't go through on the first try or I type in the wrong pin number, my heart jumps.

It's entirely irrational.

0 comments

JoblessWonder10y ago

I've been there too and my wife (who is also the first college graduate in her family) has it worse than me. The fact that you know it isn't a "technical glitch" but might be the "human glitch" of not having the money in your account is the big difference I think. It is embarrassing to go and pay for gas or groceries and have it be declined because you can't pay for it at that moment for whatever reason. (I think that with the advent of mobile banking this isn't as much of an issue, because you can check your live balance before you go shopping.)

I know plenty of friends who can't (for one reason or another) imagine what life would be like where their credit card is declined due to a "human error." Maybe they haven't had to live paycheck to paycheck or maybe their brains aren't wired that way. I'm inclined to lean to the former but I'm sure for some it is the latter.

Domenic_S10y ago

I can relate to your feeling, and this ONE WEIRD TRICK will greatly increase your positive feelings: get a credit card with no fees that you pay off every month. Once I got my Amex, I never again wondered if that swipe would go through -- it just does, every time. That of course comes with its own set of problems (ahem, budgeting).

jldugger10y ago

Doesn't really solve OP's problem of forgetting their card, or my own of 'the network is down.'

dbaupp10y ago

A lot of the world is moving/has already moved to chips in cards and PINs. However, this comes with tap-to-pay/PayPass (for low-value purchases at least) which removes the need for a PIN in some cases.

(That said, it sounds like the person you're replying to is in the US.)

Macsenour10y ago

I was living in my car for a month, seems like a short time, but 30 days seemed like years, so I know what intant pang of being unsure. I;m much better off now, but I think that feeling never actually goes away.

I actually create that feeling now by moving all but the bill paying funds to savings. Every 2 weeks it feels like I am broke. It gives me a sense of ownership and a feeling I am in control of the situation.

lvs10y ago

I hear you. Glad to hear you're on surer footing now.

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