"Requiring people to have a competitive offer in-hand basically says, "if you want a raise, go interview somewhere else." That's toxic and only effective for the people who game the system."

I agree with you on this. However, that's just how it works at all of the places I have worked for. Except for one. The startup I was at before we were acquired by a large tech company. However, being a startup we were already strapped for cash and were not being paid market rates but had some equity. That turned out to be decent when we cashed in but not enough for most of us to cover the salary difference.

I fully agree that employers should be proactive to ensure that good employees are happy and want to stay with the company. It should be mutually beneficial but I have yet to find a place like that. In the mega corps this just can't happen because of red tape. If you don't ask you will just get the standard 2% or whatever it is each year. Many times if you do ask the manager can't do anything about it anyway. I've brought it up that my hourly rate is 1/8 the rate I bill out at and am told that's just how it works.

In any negotiation it doesn't hurt to have some leverage. Especially when the company already has most of the leverage in employment situations. In my experience not burning bridges is entirely overrated. I also fail to see how asking for a counter offer is "burning a bridge" but I don't ask for counters. I turn in my two weeks and tell them why I am leaving. If the company offers me a better offer (money, benefits, vacation, flexibility, etc) I may take it but I go in with the full understanding that I am leaving. There are a lot of cases where the money itself won't matter if your current employer matches because there are other things you just don't like about the situation.

I've used this tactic twice with the same employer. It's just business and any professional manager will not foster resentment. If it does cause resentment then you can solve it by simply leaving. I have no concerns over "looking weak". I'm only in this for me. It's bad enough that I trade my precious time for money. I'm going to take as much as the market will offer me. It probably sounds selfish but that's how it is. I work only to provide a decent life for my family. If I had 5 million today I would not continue to do what I do. I would find something to occupy that time but it wouldn't be trading hours for dollars.

What do you expect people to do? Work for the same company for 30 years and be happy to get maybe a 2% raise year over year?