Kindly insert the antiquated, unfriendly device that you dignify with the name "proper computer" into your excretory orifice of your choice.

Hmm, not very good. I'm really not very good at platform flames any more. Especially when it's such an unspecific one as "tablet" vs "not tablet". I dunno, I'll take a shot in the dark and urge you to go back to fellating Bill Gates and his heirs, or Linus? Or pick up on the British English and suggest that you go back to your precious Speccy. I mean, really, give me something to work with, man.