Like anywhere, it can help to stand out a bit, and being a straight white guy without tons of money who works with computers is about as far from 'standing out' as you can get in that area, from my experience. I was a lot happier from that point of view when I got out of there and moved to Italy, where I ended up meeting and marrying a very smart and beautiful woman.

On the subject of "gay", something that I liked about the bay area was that gay is pretty common, and of course accepted and so it's just something that is, rather than someone's "defining attribute", so it's not this big deal. That's how things should be.

You have clearly never been to NYC or LA. One can get a absolutely get a date in SF, but the ratio is terrible compared to other US cities.

A single friend of mine in SF (who actually does quite well for himself) is fond of saying "any single man who moves to SF either is gay, has an asian fetish, or is crazy." It's crass and hyperbolic, but there's an germ of truth in there somewhere (FWIW, he's crazy).