I had a similar experience to you: I used to do a ton of side projects. About three years ago, I started working at a job where I had a very long commute, and that combined with attempting to continue those side projects burned me out hard. I started leaving programming to what I did for my day job, and if I had the hankering to continue programming I'd just stay at work later.
After a couple of years of that, I admittedly feel mixed about it. I do feel like I've regained some of my lost personal life - though it was too late to save my marriage, particularly since in that first year or so after I came to the realization above I simply ended up working until late in the evening instead - deferring personal projects by simply replacing them with other work and not with maintaining my relationships. Once she left, I finally realized that I not only needed to cut out these side projects, but I also needed to maintain some kind of reasonable work-life balance. (it took me a long time to get to the point where I can accept that this failure of mine caused the dissolution of our marriage - I always viewed my programming and work as a way of making sure that there would always be food at the table and that she'd always be able to do whatever she wanted, but in retrospect it wasn't worth much when she was the only one sitting at that table, and when it didn't seem like she had a partner at all. It took me a long time to be able to say that.)
I now feel a bit less burnt out, and have a desire to start side projects again - but at the same time, I don't want to go back to spoiling the rest of my life for it. I honestly can't figure out how I can resolve the three and still have time to sleep.
So anyways, I sympathize with your situation. Sadly, I don't have any good answers. All I know is that there must be a way to find a good balance, and that I have thus far been unable to find it - and I don't know about you, but my failure to do so has cost me a great deal.
