I sincerely hope this is sarcasm.
> In all of them, "affect change" is just plain wrong.
Cite?
"Effect. As noun, means result; as verb, means to bring about, accomplish (not to be confused with affect, which means "to influence")." http://www.bartleby.com/141/strunk3.html
Affect vs. Effect: http://www.dartmouth.edu/~sullivan/CommonWritingErrors.html#...