Have you ever been in a situation like "thank god I didn't get a day job back then"? If so, how did you manage to get back on track? Is there a silver bullet?
No offense, but if this is your darkest hour, you need to be living a much wider spectrum of human experience!
I'd say that about someone who would make a comment like this. Things that are unbelievably difficult for one person can be easy for the next, and vice versa.
Job hunting is stressful even at the best of times. And this is certainly not the best of times. On top of that, you are considering a possibly necessary major shift in direction in your career and lifestyle so that adds to the stress of this. The process of searching for a job has a bearing on so many aspects of who we are that some people can be so paralyzed by the thought of it that they will stay in the same job for years to avoid searching for a new job (points finger at self). I sympathize with your situation. Getting support from those close to you as well as trying to participate in enjoyable activities that help you to maintain your sanity are likely to help you get through this without feeling too overwhelmed. Whatever direction you choose, when you emerge at the other end of the tunnel you are likely to wonder what you were so worried about. Best of luck.
The only thing I know of that works against this process is sliding back into the "safe" realm in order to avoid having to deal with the problem at hand. This becomes a repeating pattern and you end up being much less capable of achieving challenging things.
It sounds to me like the problem is less one of motivation and more of vision. What is it exactly that you want to do? If you need to answer that question, I recommend changing contexts dramatically. Go travel for awhile, try moving to a new town, etc. Once you know what you want, little things like money and wondering how you're going to survive matter surprisingly less than you think they would.
So, we arrived in Rhode Island on Thursday, my new job started on Monday. Tuesday, the union I'd just joined voted to strike, and by Friday I had a pink slip and lost the job that I'd moved 1000 miles for.
I smelled the pink slip coming the day I started the job, so I was hustling to find a new gig, any gig I could get my hands on.
I was actually able to scare up a job the following week. I was making twice as much money as the job I'd moved for, and for a much better company. It was a miserable couple of weeks, though. We survived on a package of spaghetti someone had sent us for a house warming gift.
We did the check cashing service because we couldn't open a bank account. We had to borrow money to pay rent. But, it worked out.
When the chips are down, you do what you have to do. If you're just not willing to get a 9-5, things probably aren't that bad for you yet. When things are bad enough, you'll do what you have to do to pay the bills. You won't have any choice.
Also, you never know what direction unexpected decisions may take you. Things may well work out better than you expected at a 9-5.
Business is slow for everyone. It's is a dark hour for the world. As a nation, we have lost courage. Don't lose yours.
If you run out of cash, it's okay. Lot's of companies run out of cash. How many banks are closing right now? How many companies are bankrupt? How many companies are unable to pay their employees? Be glad you are not in debt. You are ahead of many. You are out of cash. Many are out of cash and credit.
It's okay to go back to work. It is okay to build a cv and send it out. Take the time to find a good company where you can learn and bring the skills back to your business. You can keep running it while you work. It isn't going away. Longevity has value. How many companies stuck it out through the last dot-bomb?
Learn from any mistakes you have made that brought you to this dark hour. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. There are many tunnels.
Keep your head up. Be proud of how far you have come. Many don't even begin the journey. Life is long. You will have many failures enroute to your final destination.
Before this year, I had never been turned down for any job I interviewed for. Now, I'm getting rejection after rejection, and it's shattered the confidence that I could apply my skills to benefit society, and generally made me feel worthless. The thought of being broke doesn't keep me awake at night, but thinking that I might be useless does.
It was painful having to send out my first job application (because I'd gotten every other job through my network), and my confidence was so low that I applied for jobs that were way below my skill level. Not getting them made me feel even worse, and I quickly got into a downward cycle.
After a couple of months, though, my initial panic started easing, and I've had a chance to get a better perspective on work and life. I've found that I can stretch out my money a lot farther than I imagined. People are a lot more willing to help me out than I thought. Instead of using the downtime to worry, I can spend it learning new things. And, most importantly, I've learned that it will take patience to wait for the really worthwhile opportunities.
One of the brightest moments of my life was when my uncle brought us two big sticks of sausage. The smell of sausage, how it combines meat, onions, some kind of sauce and a bunch of other ingredients.. sausage still rocks.
Another turning point was when I was a bit older (six?) and my mother gave me chicken soup. The problem was that I ate too fucking much of it and for probably the first time in my life that I can remember my mother said: Stop, that's too much soup, you'll feel sick, little guy. I was really surprised -- how could anyone ever eat too much? Is that humanly possible? Soon after that, our finances were going upward and I began to battle another problem: obesity.
And of course, I still have some food disorders, even ten years later :)
If you have to get a job to pay the bills, do so. See it as a detour to your dreams, rather than a permanent change in direction. You can always quit and start your business again. Maybe you'll meet a co-founder at your new job.
I've had several dark hours. At the time they seem like the end of everything. It's just your dreams dying that make you sad. You can have new dreams, where everthing is shinier and better. Dreams are the most renewable resource.
If you want to start a company, don't take a job, and don't continue doing freelance. Just start something. Here's a fantastic comment by pj on the subject:
http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=625644
Just keep walking.
When I left the job, it was to get back into running my own small company, and have been self-employed ever since.
I obviously don't know all the details of your situation but maybe you'll be lucky like I was and be able to turn this into an opportunity.
There were a couple of "dark" times where I decided to give up and get a job. But I messed up the interview each time. It's like my heart knew it wasn't right and I bombed. Maybe it gave me clarity about what I needed to be doing.
When you're stuck, it's hard to guess if a change is right. Though, if you start down a path, it might be easier to know if you are going in the right direction.
(OK, I whined a little bit as well :)
Do you have a job yourself? :)
My darkest hour was when I moved under undesirable circumstances, developed a serious health problem, lost my job, and broke up with my girlfriend in the space of 3 months, while the economy/job market was falling apart but before it started making the news (spring 2008). What was it like? Well, it ended.
