Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?

I wouldn't be quite as harsh as people have recommended...

For one thing, getting an education includes learning how to solve your own problems. Your explanations of your solutions may help her gain that knowledge. Assuming that because someone is not a problem solver in their 2nd semester, that they never will be... well, that is just false logic.

Even if she never does learn to solve problems, she may still get a basic engineering job. But she will not become a senior level engineer.

Ultimately, you need to explain to her that her goal is not just to solve the problems... it is to improve her own self-sufficiency. If she udnerstands that, it might change her approach to things.

And finally, she is your sister -- Just help the girl out.

Help with out doing it for her. Ask her to teach it to you. You would be surprised how well people do at teaching something they "don't understand", and usually it provides that ah ha moment they need to get it. Also it will help point you in the direction of the bit she is missing. She needs to understand that she has to figure it out. Help should be a lever not a crutch. I have to agree with the others hand holding reduces creativity and originality.

I TAed the second programming class (EECS 280) at UMich for 5 semesters. The canonical reply to "is this code right?" or "my code doesn't work" is "how have you tested it?" or "how do you know it doesn't work?", to be sure that the students are not using the TA as an oracle for correctness. (This causes bad reviews from students, but that's the price of tough love.)

Applying to this situation, I would recommend stubbornly requiring your sister to produce "certificates" that she has tried the incremental steps on the way to the solution. "What are you covering in the course?" "Have you done the assigned reading?" "What did you try that didn't work?" "why didn't you try X?" etc.

Don't give her the answer, but it's okay to help her train of thought get to the right answer.

Give her debugging skills.

stop helping her. i can guarantee she won't develop that inquisitive trait or break the endless cycle of seeking your help if you continue to help her when she can't easily find an answer to a problem.

It sounds like she might have fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindset_(book)

"Those with a fixed mindset believe their talents and abilities cannot be improved through any means. They feel that they are born with a certain amount of talent and typically do not wish to challenge their abilities due to the possibility of failure. Individuals with a fixed mindset frequently guard themselves against situations in which they feel they need to prove their personal worth. Challenges are frequently viewed negatively, instead of as an opportunity for personal growth."

"People that practice a growth mindset believe intelligence, talents, and abilities can be developed over time. They believe abilities, such as athleticism and mathematical capacity, can be improved through hard work and persistence. When presented with an obstacle, those practicing a growth mindset tend to rise to the challenge. Often, people of the growth mindset do not fear failure; instead, they view it as a chance to improve themselves."

"anyone can change their mindset at any age or at any stage in life. She also provides steps or ideas that the reader can follow to achieve the growth mindset."

Since she's your sister, I'm fairly sure you've known each other for a while!

How did you handle it in the past? This is almost certainly not new behavior.

What about pointing her in the direction on an online forum that she could post and get questions answered? ExpertS-exchange and StackOverflow come to mind.

Tell her to ask the professor or TA during office hours.

Just say, "Well, how would YOU approach this?" to gauge where she is at. So rather than solve it for her every time, have her give it a stab first. Let her be totally wrong, but at least have her try. Then correct her approach and set her on the right path. Then if she really is stuck after making an honest effort, then help out with the answer, but basically the more times questions like "What do you think?" are put to her, the more she will hopefully think on her own.

She's not a real engineer if she doesn't fail by herself. Of course, by fail I really mean try and try and eventually get it right. What should you do? Tell her to quit engineering.