It's entirely possible that somebody will call you into an office and tell you that you're not a team player. It's possible that they'll explain how it's crunch time and everybody's pulling together and it's unfair to the other people on the team if you don't pull too and how you're letting everybody down.
That's fine.
It's also possible that after telling you these things enough times and writing them down, they'll fire you.
That's fine too.
There are worse things in this world than being a talented developer on the job market in the Bay Area. If your company is silly enough to fire you for working the hours you agreed to work when they hired you, that's a shame. But you'll probably find yourself with a better job a week later.
More likely, though, you'll find that they deal with it. Better still, you might be able to convince a few of your co-workers to also make life a priority. Who knows, six months from now you might have an entire office full of people working sane hours. It's definitely worth a shot.
Then put it on mute.
Then explain that unless it's there is a fire in the server room, you are not to be contacted after work hours.
It isn't hard honestly. You are paid X for Y time. That is it. You are not paid to be a modern slave. I think I only had one call outside work hours in the last few years, and it was really the CEO asking me for a personal favour (if I could give a lecture the next day on behalf of the company at a local university as he was sick and couldn't make it).
I think if I was in SF and if half the 'work to death' stories here on HN are true, I would change my resume to include at the top in big bold letters: "I DON'T WORK UNPAID OVERTIME"
And if somebody says this to you, your inclination is to believe it -- if you're a nice person. But you have to tell yourself: They are letting themselves down. They made their choice; you don't have to make the same choice, just because they do. Their choices don't remove your ability to choose. They are not allowed to choose for you. Ergo you are not letting them down at all. Instead, maybe you'll inspire them to make better choices.
Other people's inability or unwillingness to negotiate what's best for them has no bearing on your right to negotiate what's best for you.
Some will tell you otherwise, but my feeling is that 12-hour days can't (and shouldn't) be maintained for more than short bursts. If you're doing 60+ hour weeks every week, you're going to be less efficient...or you're going to burn out. If someone is pushing you to work that much, then you really have to question why you're there. If you're the one doing the pushing, well...stop. Change your priorities. Work will always be there tomorrow, and you can be successful on a normal schedule.
(that said, long hours are somewhat normal at the start of a new job when everyone is bright-eyed and trying to prove themselves. everything in moderation, including moderation.)
(also, yeah, a lot of people here do online dating.)
I also remember another study showing that after a certain amount of overtime in a day, your brain works at the same capacity as if mildly inebriated.
Sorry, no links, but both should be available online.
http://www.overcomingbias.com/2011/12/construction-peak-60hr...
This paper (paywall, sorry) suggests a 10% increase in time worked only reduces productivity by 2.4% (in manufacturing).
http://www.emeraldinsight.com/journals.htm?articleid=848285&...
The little empirical evidence I've seen suggests the OP will produce more if she works more. This certainly fits my experience.
But if anyone has good data sources on knowledge workers, I'd love to see it. There isn't actually much good data out there.
Find another job, where you can have normal hours, and can have time for friends, fun, and hobbies, and creating an app, or open source project/whatever rocks your boat.
Life is too short to spend every minute of it making somebody else rich.
Most people, including most of the best, are simply more productive and creative if they want to make their time in the office count, rather than count their time in the office.
Having a life is the most important thing in life, and unless you are a founder or have significant equity and can reasonably expect your work to buy you retirement before you are 35-40, then you are exploiting yourself.
Just do not fall for the myth that the right guy(#) or the right job will just come along. You have to go and find it. The clever part is maximising the surface area you have "out there" whilst keeping a quality reputation.
I suggest the following:
1. Decide roughly your ideal company / man (see (#) below)
If you cannot write a paragraph about the ideal that really knocks your socks off, then you do not know what you want. This is then the time to sample many different types and determine which suits you best.
2. Be aware of the local landscape - Angellist is good here as is OKCupid. However nothing beats meeting people face to face. Go to networking events. (Both kinds)
Whilst this may seem a little light hearted please remember this one important truth:
The best dates / jobs will come from mutual acquaitances able to connect you both. So this means expanding the people whom you know - spending all your time in one office with one set of people will limit the fish you can catch. So attend networking events, of both kinds, and remember its a sellers market.
Its your twenties. Have fun.
(#) broad assumption that you are hetro, but if not its still a sellers market it seems.
You are more likely to be single when young, you are more able to move to where the jobs are when single, therefore cities will attract young single people looking for work. As they couple up and have kids the attractions of larger house and garden increases and we old folk move out.
Good luck on the business and personal sides
Fake busyness is probably one of the least attractive things that a person can display, in my opinion.
Like most things at a startup, there are cycles. Sometimes work is 9-6, sometimes its 9-9. Consistency is uncommon, especially at the earlier stages. While you might not have time to date at the moment, you probably will later.
A few points: 1. 9pm is the perfect time to grab a quick bite with friends and head out. There are a ton of great bars / spots which offer a casual environment to be with female / startup / life friends, eat drink and meet guys if you so choose. Ping me for recommendations. 2. The internet (and especially OK Cupid) are great for arranging lots of dates with little effort. 9/10 of the people you meet will be boring or not click, but 1/10 will surprise you. Everyone uses it now, especially as a filler for in between relationships. 3. SF has a great friends-of-friends atmosphere. Go to parties. 4. Learn to love a busy schedule. You can easily cram more into life by going out after work, still getting a good nights sleep, and going back to work the next day. If you're only working M-F, it'll be the most active time of your life.
Stand up from your desk and go to a party/pub to meet people.
Schedule your gym times; and if you have no time to go to gym that evening - then go anyway. You'll be better off that way.
Seconded. "I have no time" is often code for being overworked, and it's probably the moment where you need to get your mind off of obligations , if only for a small chunk of time
Done. :)
As for dating, I'd squeeze that in by leaving at 8pm instead of 9pm and on the weekends.
Glory isn't real. The harshest lesson of success is that the "feeling" of success is extremely brief -- hours, days -- if you ever feel it at all. (Most don't. So they keep trying to hit higher and higher peaks in order to feel something, but the feeling comes from inside, not from outside, so no achievement will cause it to arise.)
If you are 20-something and you want a partner, or a family, you better work on that now. If you want to live life on your own terms, you better start on that now. If you want to live a healthy life… you can't waste time.
So many "young people" I know think that they have time. They're waiting for real life to happen. Well, you don't have time and real life is now. What's 20-something…? Then 30s. Then 40s. Then what? When's the good stuff going to happen? Never, if you wait for it.
Make dating and gym time something that you actually care deeply about (instead of - "hmm, I guess those are things I should probably do") and watch your schedule restructure itself.
I know this sounds simplistic, but it really is that simple.
You're 20 (something), you will learn and grow, you will need less time to bring 12 hours of your current work value to your startup. Just make sure to start at filling the time before you get there, otherwise you will feel lost once you do (and thus fill your time with even more work, leading to burnout). Add some pressure by taking breaks - try to work less, deliberately, while keeping up the amount of work you turn out. You will end up more satisfied with your work.
Eventually you will find that only the stuff you do outside your work - getting outside and being with people - make you really productive.
(And yes, as others have said, 12 hours sounds like you're already being burned out. Not really a healthy start in any shape or form.)
At first I felt like I was letting the team down or whatever, because I was used to a) spending a lot more time physically in the office and b) judging other people by how early they left. However, I'm in a much better place now- I realised your brain doesn't just stop when you leave the office anyway, so you are still "working" on things really when you are not there, and you will feel better when you are there. 8-10 hours (I do 8-6) is still plenty of time to get a lot of work done! Personally I also felt a lot better letting my team lead know that I have a class every day at 7pm, and that I feel it has a reasonable priority in my life. Though sometimes things like production issues or late calls do come up, this made it easier for me to be out the door when I need to be.
Maybe try doing 9-9 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, if you can keep up with that rhythm, and then do 9-6 on Mon-Wed-Fri. That'll leave you plenty of time for social life and working out.
And then, you have the weekends too.
As far as dating: meetup.com can be good for finding like minded individuals, otherwise stuff like Nightlife at Academy of Sciences, gallery openings, etc. are great for meeting random new people from a different world (as a person in tech, I could never date someone from tech). OKCupid always works as a last resort.
If you say, I will make time.. then it is even more important to make time for yourself first (In my opinion)
Online dating is very popular in SF, however it is not the only way to find a partner. I never felt comfortable with it, and it took me time but eventually found a person I like.
Finding a good partner is a hard, especially when you are in school anymore. It will take time.
Even if you work 9-9 three or four weekdays a week, that still leaves at least one weeknight for meeting up with someone for drinks/dinner/social activity, plus weekends. I find that's more than enough time -- I generally have drinks with my coworkers Friday after work, have a social activity with friends on Saturday, and brunch or something on Sunday, and leave Sunday evening for chores.
I feel like I have a pretty full and balanced life, but of course ymmv.
If get a two hour lunch break where I get to go to the gym, my afternoon will be more productive and more than make up for the lost hour.
Find a gym near the office, and get into a routine where you can go, workout, shower, and be back at the office in 70 minutes. Do it 3 times a week. What's the worst thing that could happen? If they dislike what you're doing, you'll hear about it before they fire you. Then you start looking.
Same thing with dating. Leave work at 7 for the date. What's the worst thing that will happen?
That said, you have to be good. People won't rock the boat with talented employees. If you're not good, it's tougher. And yes, people use online dating too.
To answer your real question, I suggest friday to sunday as "not working day" don't think anything about job even deadline is short, just hangout and do what you like.
For dating people, is good to have partner that understand fully your workload, because understanding is important key to successful relationship.
Don't go to gym just for work out, running 15-30 minutes a day it's the best to keep your health, you can run with your partner or friends.
I've been with my girlfriend since before my career so I can't comment on dating so much, but we do find that we have to set a day aside every now and again where it's just us and no other distractions.
"Crunch time" is bullshit. It's a form of psychological warfare to get you to work more 99% of the time.
Don't listen to this and learn the hard way by burning out, then your startup will run out of money, you'll find another job, and realize that those extra hours were unnecessary. Or listen to people here, and go to the gym and go on dates and standup for yourself.
Work will not run away anywhere. It will wait for you. So use your time wisely, you have only one life.
Most of the people work, so they can earn, so they can live good enough. I think that you, like many others, went off a little from that track.
Best wishes.
