As far as using NTILE to find the one metric that matters is concerned, it's a useful tool, but the challenge isn't in structuring and executing SQL queries so much as it is deciding which metrics to focus on and attempt to correlate to user retention.
In my experience there can be hundreds of metrics to search through, and correlations between your metrics and user retention are not always obvious at face value, or worse, they might represent a tautological consequence of retention without being the cause of retention (ie, the user has lots of badges because the user is active on the site, but they are not active because of the badges). In these cases, you risk investing valuable development resources optimizing for something that will have no impact on the bottom line, when that time might have been better spent trying to identify novel metrics and getting them into the database for analysis.
I agree the hard part is the analysis, and I mentioned some of the challenges in the post. I hoped to use it as a way to illustrate some cool SQL techniques, rather than as a step-by-step method of finding the right metric, which I agree is much more complex task. Hopefully this analysis helps evaluate a potential metric to find out if it really is useful.