I am done trying to fit in

2 pointsycosynot2d ago0 comments

Hey, Hacker News. I've been here around 15 years or slightly less. I wanted to fit in, those small shoes you lent me; but my feet just won't. I tried to tell me that I need to look up others, and got spat on return -- for being myself. I am not sure what I am; I am only sure that it shouldn't be so difficult. Those are my words, no AI; not even its cold feedback. I love AI but it always tells me that I shouldn't say what I want to say... I am presenting myself as Igor. I finally decided to make this "head-quarters":

https://by-igor.com/

You should click Manifesto and read it. It is about neurodivergence. The inquisition is in full swing. People don't have time to think. We upvote there & there the clever syntax to give ourselves full reassurance that everything is right. Here's the thing: all your bright lights are just blinding the sensitive, the realtalk among us. You want to shine so hard, you hate whatever's casting shadows unfairly on yourselves. I am saying "you", but of course I am among it.

We are hating, whatever is troubling those still waters... The world is so fair, and yet so unfair. Nobody likes demagogy; and yet life is only about teaching. We have to find it in ourselfes to make room for others. I am sorry I tried so hard, and thus I was only frustration, in a frustrating world. I wish I could just be evil to make everyone feel "valorant".

I will not even be able to answer publicly because I am literally traumatized from all the criticism and rejection I had to go through for all those years. Send me an email. One is enough. I hoped to dare to say, that I used to be innocent. People would tell me that I am unnervingly innocent. And so I tried to pour water in the wine. It made no difference at all... I cannot escape my nature; I am just not a popular guy.

I am feeling alright by myself, in my bright, ivory tower. I had to make do and do my own shining (when there were only shadows). I am a traditional kind of guy. I like everything which is old and wise, and honourable. HN is definitely the most honourable community. And yet even HERE, we are fighting our neurodivergence away. Because yes, it is ours. It is interconnected in one mesh, in one resonating thought, one war effort -- one mankind. There is nothing which is not ours.

If you like my jazz, I am ~ starting a Youtube and a newsletter. I am simply seeking peers & Justice. As for now, I do not care about money in the slightest. I have a job which I love and I want to earn what I earn. This is hardly promotion, but I am sorry if it is. I guess there are worse sins. The thought is I want to open the doors for all neurodivergent to be integrate and conglomerate. We just want to belong. I am sad and tired of being judged for the content of my character. I could not change it hard enough to please you. I just had to be myself in the end. You can catch more of me if you feel like we belong. Or, you can report me for blasting those damn walls away.