Source?
I really dislike this style of framing.
If someone wants to play a different game, let them play alone. It must be clear that the game is collaborating towards a common goal, and if you want to play a different one then you will be playing alone.
We are a band, we are all playing an instrument for the same song requested by a customer, and if you want to play another song I won't start playing the notes of your song that nobody requested.
You can be kind to others, but you also have to be kind to yourself, your employer, and have respect for your profession and the sacrifice others have made to help you attain the position you have.
it's very effective in a lot of cases, with no downside.
best case scenario, they were unaware and re-adjust how they talk to you.
worst case scenario, you know they are just being an asshole and you can go back to hating them.
If it all fails, my go to is patronizing kindness to taunt. Much better than complaining or arguing.
A person that reached adulthood while being toxic throughout their life is probably competent at it at this point. While you were focused in acquiring your skills, they were probably getting better at being toxic. So you are probably not prepared for a direct confrontation with a veteran sabotaging jerk. Do not play a game you have never practiced as the away team because you are probably not going to win.
The more you have advanced your career, the more you have to lose while engaging someone. And in this case you have not much to win, against a person that has less than you to lose. Just using up your time and distracting you from your job is a win for a saboteur.
Anything you say can be held against you, so unless you've talked to a workplace attorney better stay out of it. If the situation is affecting you psychologically then engaging the person can affect you even more. Seek therapy if that helps, or channel your frustration through physical activity.
The best you can do is to limit your interactions to the professional level, and limit the topics to what he is working on. Everything else is your business and not his and you can seek additional collaboration at your discretion.
Seems to apply simple, clear, and rigid moral determinations to a soft and very complex subject.
- You can be kind, but you also have to be kind to yourself (psychology)
- Collaboration works only when participants share goals (game theory)
- Everyone contributes to one shared output (systems thinking)
- Respecting your profession and honoring the effort that got you to your position (Aristotelian and Confucian role ethics)
- Success comes from discipline, self-restraint and honoring your responsibilities (meritocratic work ethic)
- Identity (and therefore respect) is not reducible to your role, position, recognition, skill level, or socioeconomic status (Eastern philosophy)
I think it’s an emptily authoritative and somehow acceptable heuristic that works for some and not others.
