Step outside of your male-dominated bubble for a minute and talk to the opposite sex. Watch as her eyes glaze over when you start talking about analytics, optimization, and creating the next big photo sharing app. You're an obvious get-rich-quick schemer. There's nothing sexy about that.
The hipster and startup hipster defined by the author seem like lame versions of the bobo created by David Brooks--basically a wannabe artist obsessed with money. And that's what startup programmers will always be.
Those artsy girls you're after will choose the musician behind the counter over you buried in your MacBook every single time. Get some perspective and don't waste your 20s buying into this game.
And countless real artists have been obsessed with money, fame and the life that surrounds it. You're putting out just as many naive generalizations about people as you're accusing "startup hipsters" of having.
I'm also really curious what you do with your time and your life that puts you above all this?
I won't name names.
My experience is that most San Francisco tech entrepreneurs, (the type accurately parodied here), do not have such self-delusions.
Sushi Burrito.
If that isn't a thing already, it needs to be.