I relate to this experience (not teetotaler but slow starter/drinker and I watch my consumption).
I especially relate to the petty/cruel observations, particularly in the context of big family meals/events.
I think it's one of the reason people "like" alcohol, it gives them both the courage and an excuse to say whatever they want/feel.
But you seem to be making excuses/explanation for this, I don't agree, what people become under the influence of alcohol is who they truly are, without the mask and restraints.
If someone becomes petty/cruel/violent or whatever, you just learned that they cannot be trusted and are a bad person, no needs to explain away with alcohol influence.
In general, drugs amplify or make obvious who peoples are, they don't radically change them contrary to what some like to pretend.