Anyways, I think the nuclear deterrent is an okay argument, I'm not totally convinced by it because I think you could also get right up to the line and even push it without your opponent being crazy enough to push the big red button.

I think we're doing this right now to each other all the time. For example, China is systematically targeting US trade secrets. This seems existentially frightening, but we haven't yet levelled China with nukes.

In fact, if I were a government, I'd secretly have a policy to never push the button, but that's just me.