undefined | Better HN

0 pointsj1elo1y ago0 comments

> if you swipe on a few hundred average looking people and get zero matches back. That's ugly.

What's ugly is using an anemometer to measure a distance. I mean, using number of matches in a dating app, to measure uglyness. Dating apps are products designed by psychologist and built by engineers to generate frustration and make people pay, not to serve as a measurement stick of the average person's attractiveness.

Dating apps are utterly broken. Don't do that to yourself, or to anyone.

Meeting women in the Real World through common acquaintances. That's where the moat is.

0 comments

missedthecue1y ago

Do you think if a non-profit open source dating app existed, with a sizable userbase, results would be different for the average guy?

People are quick to blame the greedy for profit business model, and I'm sure that has something to do with it, but with women swiping left on 95% of profiles (according to the article) it's hard to imagine designing a dating app that changes the math meaningfully. No matter the business model, you're not likely to turn that 95% into 75% or 50%.

j1eloOP1y ago

I don't think so, because there are more factors. For example, that women are extremely much more picky in apps than in real life. That's something that a FOSS product wouldn't solve, because it's a behavioral thing.

bradlys1y ago

Let’s say that you meet a few hundred average women in real life and none express physical attraction to you. I’d say you’re still ugly.

Meeting single women in real life through acquaintances is pretty uncommon. Most of the women I meet through friends aren’t single. For good reason, most men burn their bridges with eligible women and most women have no interest in showing you to their friends.

The only person who ever introduced me to any women was a very kind gay man and it was abnormal even for him. He really reached for me but both women rejected on the spot due to their lack of physical attraction.

naijaboiler1y ago

if dating apps are killing your confidence. Get off and delete them forever!!!

lifestyleguru1y ago

Can confirm from personal experience. Do not even think of installing Tinder as a male with intention not to pay. Tinder with platinum is frustrating enough for a male. In revenge, every relationship initiated with gold and platinum I threw out to the bin after some sex.

j1eloOP1y ago

The article says it all: paying is the losing strategy.

> Likes received [by men] have a positive impact, but it is very light, which is a good thing from a monetization standpoint (you can make guys pay and not show them to anyone; they will keep paying, just a bit less than if they received likes. [...])

I can confirm. Payed once for a whole year, and got absolutely buried. Went from a decent rate of interactions to 2~3 likes (not matches) per week. And after the premium period ended, exactly on that same day, the previous rate of likes was restored! That's how I know they were intentionally not showing my profile around to other users.

Taking revenge on other users because of the predatory design of a dating app is, sincerely, disingenuous, childish and even irresponsible. Just stop using the bad product and try to cultivate real connections with people out there.

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse

0 comments

missedthecue1y ago

Do you think if a non-profit open source dating app existed, with a sizable userbase, results would be different for the average guy?

j1eloOP1y ago

bradlys1y ago

Let’s say that you meet a few hundred average women in real life and none express physical attraction to you. I’d say you’re still ugly.

naijaboiler1y ago

if dating apps are killing your confidence. Get off and delete them forever!!!

lifestyleguru1y ago

j1eloOP1y ago

The article says it all: paying is the losing strategy.

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse