Even on days where I've planned to recoup I wake up ultra early, read / respond to emails, check metrics / analytics, read posts in my pocket, scroll through twitter, browse HN .. it goes on.
Has anyone found some successful hacks to lose themselves for a few hours?
The psychiatrist asked some basic questions about my family, my daily routine, and I mentioned a very similar comment as the one that you've posed. He suggested getting a small notebook that can fit in my pocket and a pen. When I get on the train after work (live in NJ, work in NY), just take out the pad of paper, and start writing, stream-of-conciousness, every single thing that's in my head. From things that worry me, to things I want to do, problems I've had at work, everything. And then once I'm done, tear out the piece of paper and throw it away.
I was somewhat skeptical, but I gave it a shot ... and you know what? I do find that when I do that I am very much more relaxed later on in the evening when I get home. According to him, just the act of writing down your thoughts helps your brain process them much better. Once you've gone through the act of putting them on paper (I assume it'd probably work the same if you talked to someone similarly) your brain doesn't have to sit there and churn on it. And because you've thrown the piece of paper away you don't have to worry about holding back in case someone else finds it and reads it at some point.
This gives me the headspace to do what I want when I get home, or on the weekend ... whether that's to be with my family, or even work on side projects. One minor note, I don't actually use a pen and paper. I simply open a new word doc on my phone, type away, and then close the doc without saving.
Give it a shot :)
In particular, the part about training for mindfulness has also been extremely helpful for me. I'm really starting to believe his assertion that learning to calm your mind can be trained. I tend to close my eyes and focus on breathing while I'm on the train after I finish the stream-of-consciousness exercise from above; this might sound silly, but I even notice that the muscles in my face are more relaxed after I do these things :)
0) It's totally possible to be super committed and working really hard hard in your startup. It's up to you to realize that a lot of your effort likely isn't getting you a productive return. Do work in batches.
1) Your technology exists to serve you, not the other way around.
2) The world and universe will not stop functioning without you.
3) There are very few problems in life that can't wait 1-2, if not 4 hours.
4) You are not always wired in, you are always distracted. It's why you're tired, unfocused, likely unproductive.
5) Your goal is to learn to get some space so you can see the world with your eyes instead of through a screen. It makes you balanced and produce better software. Life is for living. Keyboard time is rarely living.
How:
1) Turn off everything. Go for a walk. Read a book. Notice that no one is as important as they've hallucinated.
2) Breathe. Anything you miss will be forwarded to you or on your twitter feed anyways.
3) Block everything in your hosts file and only use your smartphone to access it. Every single site that isn't productive. Hacker News should be at the top of it, including Google news or anything else that takes your time.
4) Turn off all notifications. No one is the center of the universe. My phone has no IM, VM, Email, SMS, or APP notifications turned on. I run a consulting business while I'm on call. Nothing has ever imploded. Some might be allowed to make a quiet ticking noise, or use the haptic feedback.
5) The post about meditation is really good. Learn to take many thoughts down to one, and one down to none.
I do have regular processes and routines to check those notifications, or obviously check them when I'm expecting an intermittent reply.
The funny thing with being a younger entrepreneur is you put up with all sorts of this BS either leading you to an early burn out, or start figuring out there's a whole world out there to enjoy as much as startups.
I simply stopped looking at workaholics with personal lives in shambles as role-models. I look for the uber successful that are successful in all areas of their lives.
The activities I do (or have done) that leave me physically exhausted also gave me a welcome mental break from the information addiction. Among those sewing, welding (check your community college), gardening and currently, roller derby and deadlifts. Other things to think about would be private pilot's lessons (or skydiving), and climbing. I know people who code for a living who have also learned to forge and smith metal, build furniture, fly planes, and jump off stuff.
I've been doing this for a few weekends - going out there in the morning and (besides lunch) not coming back in until it's too dark to continue. Feels so much more rewarding than anything I do in my regular work.
Until then, I have no useful advice.
The practice eventually helps bring balance to your daily routine by training your brain to turn off noisy/irrelevant thoughts when they become distracting.
I like to describe the key to meditation as acceptance: whatever you become aware of, be it a thought, a sound, or an itch, simply be aware of it without judging it (or yourself), and then take your attention back to the object of meditation, often the breath. If you do this patiently and diligently, your thoughts will slow down of their accord, and you'll find yourself sinking deeper and deeper into a state of quietude that we information workers are nearly doomed to miss out on if we don't make a point of cultivating it.
But you may also want to invest on something that cultivates your discipline. If you have enough discipline, you can easily force yourself to cut off from the internet, work or whatever so IMHO this is a fundamental step.
If you're into it, here's an (hour-long) intro to mindfulness by Jon Kabat-Zinn, a well-known name in Western meditation circles (he basically rebranded meditation as mindfulness to bring it into Western medicine): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nwwKbM_vJc
2 rules -
1) for the duration of the excursion, nobody involved in allowed to bring technology. Not even mobile phones. If you can't spend more than 4 hours without your phone, then don't go out for more than 4 hours. You'll enjoy it more than 6 hours out with your phone.
2) avoid talking about work, tech, startups, etc... if you have nothing left to talk about, make a note to do something that will give you something to talk about next time ('cause you're going to do this more than once, right?) Read a book, follow non-tech news, see a great film, go to a museum, etc...
Also, no tech 1 hour before bed will do wonders for your productivity. You'll fall asleep faster and sleep deeper without bright lights in your face just as your body is trying to wind down.
Come Monday, I'm usually pretty refreshed and looking forward to getting back into things again.
Note: I do need to take a few "proper" holidays in the year, even if only a week or so long, but without doing so I find I burn out until I become thoroughly unproductive ;)
It could change your life, believe me.
I had the same problem until I decided to act on the idea and thereby created an outlet for it. Then I could sleep/relax without obsessing on it.
I've come to really appreciate these down times.
Yeah, customers call, emails come in. But being able to put it aside and not think about it allows my mind to clear up. And I am more productive for doing so.
Of course, right now, its Monday morning at 1am EDT, so ...
A lot of people here are going to argue it's unhealthy to be like that, but after me and my wife split, I started filling an amazing amount of time with work, and it honestly became very therapeutic. When I sat down in front of my computer, I felt like I was going into my woodshop, creating, making beautiful things.
It boosted my self esteem and gave me confidence I didn't have for a long time. That's just one instance where it's not unhealthy to unleash and give into that drive.
I find the most relaxation comes from doing something that ties all my senses up in a way I'm not used to. Like swimming, a really hot sauna/steam room/cold pool, hitting the weights, going to a museum, taking a girl on a date, cooking (I don't do it often so it's fairly immersive).
I tend to obsess about work so I find I need to take an active role in giving myself these types of "breaks", otherwise I become unhappy.
I definitely recommend taking at least one full day off per week. You'll feel so refreshed.
Maybe you're not feeling relaxed because you're switching off too much?
It occupies my hands, my eyes, and my imagination.
I keep a bunch of police and robber sets on my desk so I can simulate the bankers stealing from people's deposits in the bank and the regulators (in my fantasy) hauling them to jail ... (referencing PFG Best, MF Global, and a slew of similar circumstances)
Seriously, leave your phone at home, don't take a backpack, and jump on the subway. Go to the mall, or a park, or just walk around town.
After work: have a joint with some friends.
or take a trip/pilgrimage to somewhere spiritual for guidance.. preferably in the next 7 days.
