I've lived in large cities, but I found the more ideal circumstance was a small but urbanized town - after I lived there 8 years or so, I not only had the good friends but an enormous group of casual acquaintances. So I literally ran into people I said hi to every time I walked anywhere. In fact, at various times most of my good friends moved away, but the whole group was there. It was east coast, so like one time someone left a pot of soup on my stove. I don't mind noise, and the neighborhood wasn't too dirty. It did have people of various income levels, and was cheap enough to have artists, who both put up many beautiful things and had a certain tendency to clutter. Also a lot of biologist types, so they had lovely plants planted, which was nice.

I'd rather have people I trust a bit around me than privacy, in general. For sure people there help each other out when help is needed. It just feels to be a more resilient, robust to errors kind of society than me and my stuff out there.

Now I'm living in San Jose, but I've passed the 8 year mark in my current location and in fact am accumulating connections with the people on the block and nearby. I go to stores where the workers stay year after year, so I am familiar to people. I've started going to classes at a local university. It's still not the connected feel of a small East coast town (Californians do seem to like their fences around the backyard and not to appreciate comments on their personal decisions), but pleasant. If only there was a grocery store I could walk to.

There is only a small window when old is just old enough that you shouldn't be afraid of what happens when you need fast, acute medical help. I have seen many a relatively far flung retirement plan get into trouble when the first health scare makes the retiree want a hospital within half an hour.

Why are you looking at such cold places for the off grid living?

Lots of remote forested areas in Georgia and Alabama, but I can also understand opposition to the heat.

I would give a lot consideration to TN and NC mountains.

Being older you need to factor in healthcare. I didn't when I moved remote, and it was a big mistake. I firmly believe my mother died of cancer because I convinced her to move to a rural local that didn't have the quality of cancer care that she would have had access to if she stayed in Santa Cruz. My advice is pick a touristy area that has enough money/population moving through to have a bit better medical system than your average remote area. Definitely buy a lifeflight.org membership every year if you go the Montana/Rocky Mountain West area.

I also recommend finding a town that caters to rich tech people who want to live this remote fantasy, there are quite a few of them. It's so much more enjoyable than the actual remote living towns that no one wants to be in so they're just an aging population of dead enders and people hooked on drugs. Or at least an area with a University nearby so that you can go somewhere with some energy/vibrance and the latest cool trendy food. The realities of dead end small town/no town america can be pretty soul crushing.

Disney style curated small town america catering to the wealthy can be a pretty great place to live and have energy/vibrancy. Plus you'll have a good revolving supply of new people cycling through thinking they want to live the lifestyle (before the realities set in) bringing in the latest trends, starting food places, etc. Just make sure they aren't the 'escaping from California' types blathering about how great it is to be in a 'free' state and be away from commie land. That toxicity can overload a small community quick. You can get away with 'individualists' in a larger community where their actual freeloading on society is subsidized by normal people, but with too big a ratio basic civilian institutions get paralyzed for years until people remember/relearn society requires a social component.