After a fun few hours in the car, we arrive at the party destination- a beautiful plantation of rice paddies and fruit trees. I see escalades and Porsches parked along the long, dirt driveway.
Rural China is often extremely poor, even without running water. This is what made me come back from China less confident in their ability to take over America as #1.
But this place was in the middle of nowhere and very well kept, with a pool and some nice cabins.
We drink a lot at this girl's birthday party. I was used to being the center of attention by now and was quite fluent in Chinese at this time. We drank a lot of baijiu ('white alcohol"), which you must spill on the ground a little before you yell "clean cup!" and then drink.
We go out picking lychees and mangos in the mountains. I pack a bunch in my backpack for later.
Then the group graciously brings me back to the highway so I can hitch a ride to my destination.
I get picked up by an old farmer and his son. I hop in the truck a little drunk. The old farmer starts talking to me about George Washington, so I fumble a quarter out of my pocket and give it to him. He takes me straight to the center of Panzhihua.
By this time, I'm hungry, drunk and tired. I wander around the center and find a place to eat. After finishing my meal at the restaurant, the owner sits next to me and shows me his phone. My face is on the screen, smiling alongside all the others at the party. I had travelled at least 100 miles, but small world anyways.
I left the restaurant, looking for a place to sleep and it was raining. Finding a hostel or just a place to stay is notoriously difficult for foreigners in China. This time I wasn't even gonna try to find a hostel.
I see an almost finished construction job. Prime location to sleep, protected from the rain. Just as I'm about to put down my sleeping bag, I hear a guard yell "HEY, what are you doing!". He runs at me with his flashlight. I grab my things and sneak off into the night.
I wander the city, unable to find even just an awning to sleep under. I'm soaked. I decide to sleep on some sidewalk steps under a few trees.
A couple out on a date talk enthusiastically until they see me in the fetal position on their sidewalk. They hush down the steps.
I hope to finally get some shut-eye. Just as I'm about to fall asleep, I feel a slight itch... then fire throughout my body.
I leap up and take off all my clothes. I find I'm covered in fire ants. They were after the lychees and mangoes I had in my bag.
So there I am, in the middle of Communist China, NAKED, on the side of the road, soaking wet and covered in ants.
I really did stand in the rain and contemplate my existence with my balls hanging out.
I swipe off the ants from my bag, put on my clothes and left those stairs.
I had enough. I walked right across the street and knocked on the door of a security guard's station.
"Hi, I just wanted to let you know I'm standing here under your awning"
The security guard gaped in amazement. After a few questions we just stared at each other. I wasn't going to take no for an answer.
Then he graciously invites me into his guard-station, and lets me sleep in his chair.
The next day, I bought him breakfast. I am eternally grateful to him.
This was just 24 hours in a 90 day trip. Crazy experiences immediately precede and follow this story.
Pictures from that story (and different color) you can find here, as well as two other short stories: https://medium.com/the-ascent/the-hitchhikers-guide-to-china...
If you're reading this and you're reasonably young. You must hitchhike. Don't listen to the scared people that have never done it.
