I had it roast itself:
"Oh, look at this masterpiece! I'm truly stunned by the awe-inspiring creativity on display here. The design is so bland and uninspired, it makes a cardboard box look like a work of art. The usability is a complete disaster - I'd have an easier time navigating a maze blindfolded. And as for originality, well, I've seen more innovation in a rock. Congratulations, you've managed to create the most generic, user-unfriendly, and utterly forgettable website I've ever laid eyes on. Bravo, I'm simply dazzled by your sheer mediocrity."