> Virtually all of the systems I write have at least two back-ends to maintain that flexibility.
It sounds like that's a worthwhile tradeoff for you, but it is a tradeoff, giving up some of the unique power of each individual database in order to support both. Realize that most people don't do this.
> A good object model is NOT a relational model, and a good relational model is NOT an object model.
Maybe this is our biggest disagreement. I believe there is a model that can get the biggest benefits of both. I'm not alone in this; papers in Software Engineering, "Out of the Tar Pit", prescribes this as a possible solution to a lot of woes in software engineering:
"The classical ways to approach the difficulty of state include object oriented programming which tightly couples state together with related behaviour, and functional programming which — in its pure form — eschews state and side-effects all together ... We argue that it is possible to take useful ideas from both and that — when combined with some ideas from the relational database world - this approach offers significant potential for simplifying the construction of large-scale software systems"
https://curtclifton.net/papers/MoseleyMarks06a.pdf
I agree with them: Object Oriented Programming alone is nice for UIs but otherwise has failed to live up to its hype; Functional Programming is elegant and pure but hard to actually get anything done with; the Relational Model is simple and powerful but writing an application entirely in database procedures is a Lovecraftian Horror. So look for a model that takes the best from all three, and apply that model -- at least conceptually -- in both your database design and your application code. It is actually possible, and it's wonderful. But it will piss off the zealots on both sides.
I'm not sure what you consider "a good object model", but there is very little agreement in our industry on what exactly that looks like. If yours permits the CS 101 inheritance examples like "Dog : Animal" then I'd strongly disagree with you. Or maybe yours is the Smalltalk message-passing version: better, but still not immune to improvement. Don't assume that everyone who doesn't 100% line-toe bog standard OOP and bog standard SQL RDMSes needs to "RTFM".
>> SQL is disliked by the founders of the relational model.
> Citation required.
"SQL isn’t just user hostile, it involves some very serious departures from relational theory ... Suffice it to say that those departures are so serious that I honestly believe SQL has no real right to be called relational at all." -- Chris Date, who worked closely with EF Codd and helped spread his ideas.
https://red-gate.com/simple-talk/opinion/opinion-pieces/chri...