That's analysis is exactly backwards, and I cited the specific text in the license that calls it out. You can't distributed copyrighted works without permission, period.

Apple can't ship my code, whether it be directly or in a Play Store app, unless I let them. The LGPL specifies the terms of that permission. They're clearly in violation, since I can't download a Play Store app and modify it.

Again, we all agree to ignore this. But it's true nonetheless.