Meh, that's just one model out of dozens form one of a dozen manufacturers. Hardly conclusive to validate the "a lot of laptops" claim. I'm sure someone else in the comments will point out some other obscure laptop from Acer or Lenovo that's thinner than a razor blade and has soldered storage. Fine, but still not "a lot of laptops". Just don't buy those 3 models in the world that solder their storage and you'll be fine.

>Most (all?) Chromebooks use eMMC storage attached to the board.

Thanks but Chromebooks are just ChromeOS devices akin to your tablet or phone, not actual laptops, nor do I buy garbage laptops with eMMC, nor would I know where to find one even if I did want to buy a laptop with eMMC since I haven't seen one for sale since the Asus EEPC from 2011, so no issue there.

>Even laptops with M.2 connectors still require a hundred screws, guitar picks, heat guns, and other insane things to "replace" storage.

That's a gross overexaggeration. I fiddled with the innards of several models of laptops from several brands and all of them are easy to replace the M.2 SSDs without special fancy tools and pain, just a screwdriver. Only Microsoft glues their machine together but nobody buys them anyway so don't you do it either and you'll be fine.

Conclusion: Myth busted. Most laptops on the market DON'T have soldered storage, and they're also quite easy to replace. Keep calm and carry on.