Ask HN: Leaders, Would you rather be Loved or Feared?

Neither. Good leadership is driven by respect.

A leader who wants to be feared is legit scary, but not in a good way... more scary in a "run away from the toxic" kind of way. And if you want to be loved... well, sure, don't we all? But that is what friends and family are for, not your direct reports.

I think there key is respected.

respected to be fair.

respected for reasoned well thought out judgment's.

respected for my values.

I also don't think one can be either universally. I'm sure the worst person in history had their fans or at least sycophants.

If something goes wrong I want my people to come to me immediately.

If they are afraid, they’d hide it instead.

My job is to support them in getting the job done, in the best way possible.

Trust goes both ways as well as respect. I don’t hire people who do their work out of fear. I strive to hire people who are driven by enthusiasm and the sweet taste of success.

Generous compensation is a part of success.

Michael Scott answered this question in The Office, and his hilarious answer is that he wanted people to be afraid of how much they loved him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4M8fqD0wyM

I don't think a manager in most companies should strive to be feared, at least not for the people under them (maybe when trying to get things for their employees, like raises or need another team to get off their asses and get shit done that they need).

The most I've ever wanted to leave any company was when I was under a manager that made sure they were 'feared' more than loved amongst the people under them. And especially in tech, the best employees (who can do a mean Leetcode, at least) won't stick around for that shit. It's too easy for them to go elsewhere.

For monarchies I imagine that would be different.

I worked one summer in a motorcycle shop where the leader was a real tyrant, and his staff was super afraid ever time he entered the room.

I ended up having a hell of a heated argument with him on the last day of the gig, because he was being such a petulent jerk. I guess I have less tolerance than his staff, and the fact that my gig was finished anyway...

I used to shop there. After working with him, I have never once returned, either for work, or as a customer.

Making yourself feared has its drawbacks. Not everyone will be afraid, and many that are will simply despise you. He is definitely unloved in that business.

A technical leader's technical experience should be so intimidating on its own that he should be putting in appropriate effort to reduce the natural fear that is common among reports as well as superiors.

Alternatively someone who cultivates fear does not have the characteristics of a leader at all. Certainly not a "fearless leader".

The most meaningful love for a leader can only be developed over the long term, and is an overall admiration gained after recognition that things under that leader are better than they would be otherwise.

Achieving both is the start. In the trenches making decisions. Be there. Earn it.