undefined | Better HN

0 pointsaidenn02y ago0 comments

> A multi generational household occurs naturally when grandma and grandpa had a stable two parent households and now mom and dad do too.

Huh? My sister and I both live more than a thousand miles away from our stable, married parents that we are on good terms with. We went where our work took us and then met and married people in that area. My sister lives several hundred miles away from her in-laws, and my in-laws (also still married) only moved to be near us when they were no longer capable of living independently (there is no way with all of their health issues that they could take care of our kids).

This goes back a generation as well, though the distances were smaller (~400 miles of driving between me and my grandparents when I was growing up).

0 comments

_greim_2y ago

I think the point is more that multi-generational households would occur naturally, but as you alluded modern society gets in the way. I have a similar situation as you. It's interesting to imagine what policies would have incentivized us to settle down nearer our parents. Like, what would have made that a palatable option?

aidenn0OP2y ago

My sister is in academia, so she went where she could get a tenure-track position. Four months after I graduated college, I had exactly one job offer, it was on the opposite coast.

After I accepted my job far away, I did hear back from a company closer (but by no means close) to my parents, it was a one year contract for less than half what I was making in a permanent position. I would have taken a pay-cut to be closer to my parents (particularly since my SO at the time refused to relocate to California), but a non-permanent position for $30k/year just didn't seem like a wise life-choice.

anon2912y ago

I suppose I should revise my comment to mean that I don't think living together is a necessity. Just in close proximity.

Moreover I know many who do live close to parents and seem estranged due to broken families/mom and dad can't stand to be in the same room, etc

aidenn0OP2y ago

I was able to infer that from your original comment, but the point is that neither my sister nor I can reach my parents in a single day of driving[1], and my wife can't reach her in-laws in a single day of driving. My in-laws are very close now, but at this point we are caring for them more than they are caring for our kids.

1: I'm considering a full day of driving as 12 hours here. Different people tend to disagree with this number in either direction.

KMag2y ago

> neither my sister nor I can reach my parents in a single day of driving[1], and my wife can't reach her in-laws in a single day of driving.

Are you just saying you and your wife have similar driving speed and endurance, or are your wife's in-laws different people from your parents?

1 more reply

em-bee2y ago

i see your 1000+ miles and i give you 4000+ miles.

the question is, why is that? you said it yourself, you had one good job offer. what do we need to change that you would get better job offers at home?

in china the culture is that a young couple moves in with the husbands parents who often prepare/build their house with that in mind. (in simple terms, the master bedroom is for the couple, the grandparents move to a smaller room). the grandparents help take care of the grandchildren, and later the children take care of their parents.

but even there this is breaking apart. young people move across the country to get good jobs. sometimes the parents follow them. or they leave the children with the grandparents, sometimes not seeing them and their own children more than once a year.

1 more reply

anon2912y ago

Why don't your parents or your in laws move? Don't they want to be with their grandchildren?

1 more reply

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse

0 pointsaidenn02y ago0 comments

> A multi generational household occurs naturally when grandma and grandpa had a stable two parent households and now mom and dad do too.

This goes back a generation as well, though the distances were smaller (~400 miles of driving between me and my grandparents when I was growing up).

0 comments

_greim_2y ago

aidenn0OP2y ago

My sister is in academia, so she went where she could get a tenure-track position. Four months after I graduated college, I had exactly one job offer, it was on the opposite coast.

anon2912y ago

I suppose I should revise my comment to mean that I don't think living together is a necessity. Just in close proximity.

Moreover I know many who do live close to parents and seem estranged due to broken families/mom and dad can't stand to be in the same room, etc

aidenn0OP2y ago

1: I'm considering a full day of driving as 12 hours here. Different people tend to disagree with this number in either direction.

KMag2y ago

> neither my sister nor I can reach my parents in a single day of driving[1], and my wife can't reach her in-laws in a single day of driving.

Are you just saying you and your wife have similar driving speed and endurance, or are your wife's in-laws different people from your parents?

1 more reply

em-bee2y ago

i see your 1000+ miles and i give you 4000+ miles.

the question is, why is that? you said it yourself, you had one good job offer. what do we need to change that you would get better job offers at home?

1 more reply

anon2912y ago

Why don't your parents or your in laws move? Don't they want to be with their grandchildren?

1 more reply

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse