It seems that I am stuck in a vicious circle where my work woes keep me from being my best in the personal life (exercise, spending quality time with family, sleep) and resulting issues in physical and mental ealth means I slip up more at work and the cycle repeats.
Wondering what are some goto behaviors/tactics I might be lacking to make it work.
- If your work woes are caused by an anxiety to perform and think you're doing well at work, chances are in most cases other people will think so too. In general, people will think less about you than you're paranoid about.
- If you're anxious that "bad thing X will happen unless I do A, B and C", then write down your worries of what the consequences (Y) will be if you don't do A, B and C. Then, selectively avoid completing certain tasks, or let them run late. I'm not talking about core work tasks here, use your own judgement. Why do this? Well, you want to be able to revisit this list later and see if the consequences were as you predicted. Chances are for a lot of things no one will care. Then you're building up a base of evidence that your more neurotic tendencies aren't the best predictor of the future, and you can adjust accordingly. Sometimes this base of hard evidence is needed for certain personalities to really internalise the lessons.
I find "sticking to the process" to be most important characteristic in increasing capabilities.
The gym analogy is appropriate here. If I stop working out because I can't manage a particular weight, then I become weaker overtime (or stagnate at best). But if I persist despite the initial pressures, even if imperfectly, then eventually I become capable of handling the extra weight.
Man needs an arena to struggle, to overcome; without that a human being cannot fully develop oneself.
Sticking to the process of struggle has its own benefits, but it also may make you wake up one day and realize it was 10 years of struggling nowhere while everyone around enjoyed life and achieved at least the same. Worst case is when you’re 50+ at that realization.
Maybe gym is not a good target for my criticism, as it changes the chemistry in a positive way. But I doubt that psychological struggle does any good, unless you’re regularly seeing a therapist or have a great self-reflection ability.
Whenever there is struggle, we notice our own deficiencies. The point is not to continue with the same struggle forever, but to graduate into more sophisticated struggles - just like we graduate into higher grades in school.
That was my overall message. That we have to continually solve the problems. And there's never an end to the process..
Another perspective: The 1st grader is stressed by 1st grade problems, but the 10th grader is not stressed by 1st grade problems. This clearly demonstrates stress is related to capability. And also provides hope that through effort and time, one can graduate to higher levels.
Who become the best engineers? Those who struggle the most with engineering issues.
Who become the best musicians? Those who struggle the most to refine their skills with their instruments, etc.
Who become the best scientists? Those who struggle the most with the theories/problems at hand.
What's the danger? I'd argue living with lower capabilities is more dangerous than otherwise; it's even less fulfilling to live with limited skills/resources.
Second, slow down on work related projects and activities. Sometimes I just stop thinking about or working on programming related side projects for a week or so to cleanse the palette.
If I have a short amount of time, I will do some gardening. It's very relaxing and rewarding in a simple kind of way.
