So I find myself longing for office time, not because I like office time, but rather because I feel like it might bring back some sanity to the relationship.
Am I the only one in that situation? What do you do? It's not like I can structure another individual, it would only work if they themselves recognize that they need structure, which they don't.
What I did (decades ago) was realize that when I was working from home, I needed to treat it the same as working in an office. What that meant was: I need a room that is exclusively "the office". When I'm in there, I'm working. When I'm not working, I'm not in there. And everyone else in the household has to adhere to one rule -- if my office door is closed, they cannot disturb me for any reason other than an actual emergency, just like if I were in an office outside of out home.
It also helps that I majorly soundproofed my home office. Even well-intentioned kids will won't be silent for the entire work day.
I did acquiesce and allow interruptions when the door is open, for times I'm checking email or other administrative tasks. That same son has high-functioning autism so I do find myself bringing him in to calm him down on occasion.
I've found my wife is the one who refuses to follow these guidelines most often, lol.
We have 3 kids (5, 5, 8) and they can actually manage themselves for hours at a time. And I don't mean youtube, TV, or tablets. Just regular playing. My wife works part time so in the summer they don't have constant supervision in the morning.
This is where having more kids can be easier. 1 kid can be lonely, or be unable to get help if they hurt themselves. 2 can be a problem if a fight breaks out. With 3 you have someone who can come get you if there's a problem.
I'm curious what the actual statistics are though.
I did put a keyed locking door knob on in a previous house but for some reason haven't done it to the new house/office.
Did you have a hard time finding one that would fit an interior door? I had to hunt for awhile to find a keyed lock that would fit since they're all designed for exterior doors.
Also, what’s your workspace? It helps if you work in a separate room with a door. Working in a central open spot like the kitchen table invites more interruption. Of course this is hard to do if you’re in a small apartment.
Some people who we love deeply, just cannot do this. If we're physically there, a reason to interrupt will always be found. IMHO it's not worth damaging the relationship.
To be honest we never "solved" it. Eventually the younger reached kindergarten age and my wife returned to full time work. I wish I had better advice. The suggestion to have a dedicated office space with a door is a good one, but if your partner does not respect boundaries that won't be enough. If finances allow, you could look at leasing a part time desk in a coworking space or even a dedicated office. I know it feels silly to pay for office space when you can do the job from home, but if it's damaging your relationship, it may be worthwhile. Some employers might even offer a stipend for remote workers to help offset costs. The fact that you refer to your partner as a nagging micromanager tells me something has to change.
I hope this post doesn't make me sound like a dick. I have immense respect for my wife for choosing to pause her career to care for our children. Raising kids is HARD, harder than the work I get paid for to be honest. We're partners in life and parenthood. But my role in the partnership at that time was to hold down a job and that's a lot harder to do when you're being interrupted 10 times a day. Hope you are able to work something out.
When my office door is closed, I am not home (except for emergency, say broken limb or something). It takes some training, but they become accustomed to it.
You need to stress to your partner the importance of focus during work. This took an exceptional amount of effort for us because my wife is bipolar and when things are bad, her contributions become a trickle. Summer is always a trying time, because all the kids are home and she gets overwhelmed easily. Thankfully my employer is incredibly accommodating, so if I need to step away and resolve anything at home, they have faith that I'll see to my obligations.
There's certainly value in having a dedicated work area if possible. Your brain really likes having demarcation lines between work and home, so emulating that can help immensely.
It is important to note that WFH is NOT a silver bullet. It is not a solution for every employer/employee. It works incredibly well in many technological scenarios because of remote access and whatnot, but there are limiting factors. Both in bureaucratic requirements, "culture" fits, and domestic situations. What works for me in the Great Plains due to cheap(er) housing may not work in metro areas where some families are living in small apartments.
Don't feel obligated to make WFH succeed in your situation if you don't want to simply because its en vogue. I have dear friends that tried WFH and _hated_ it. Another option is co-working space or otherwise getting out of the house to focus on work. I find myself going to a local hiking trail area during spring/autumn to work outdoors, and it is refreshing.
While returning to the office as an escape may alleviate some symptoms, I would still recommend that you work on your relationship.
Edit: your partner may also have needs too, this isn't just about you getting what you want. It's about communicating better and respecting each others needs.
