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0 pointslapcat3y ago0 comments

> who probably doesn't like me very much anyways

This feels like a straw man, or straw woman, as the case may be. Why would you even consider marrying someone who probably doesn't like you very much? And why would they consider marrying you?

(He says, fresh off watching the finale of Succession.)

0 comments

8 comments · 2 top-level

ameminator3y ago· 6 in thread

It's a personal judgement based on personal experience. I asked those same questions before deciding that maybe dating or marriage was not for me. However, you should make your own judgement call based off of your own experiences. Just be aware that something between 40 and 45% of first time marriages fail in North America (depending on the study).

lapcatOP3y ago

> It's a personal judgement based on personal experience.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Are you saying that nobody likes you? If so, then maybe that's a "you" problem and not a "them" problem...

> I asked those same questions before deciding that maybe dating or marriage was not for me.

Forget marriage for a second, you don't even want to date? If so, I'm not sure you're really one to be giving advice here, to people who are interested in having relationships.

ameminator3y ago

Exactly, you should make your own judgement, based on your personal circumstances, including how agreeable you are.

In terms of dating, when I engage in that, I aim for pure companionship. It always struck me as wrong to use another person, either for intimacy or even as an emotional crutch. Relationships, when they do happen, usually last quite a while but may be a different experience for the other person involved, from their previous relationships.

However, these are personal anecdata. Is it so hard to look at the statistics and results and make your own conclusion?

1 more reply

red-iron-pine3y ago

> It's a personal judgement based on personal experience.

ITT: parent poster is an unlikable jerk. or thinks they are, anyway.

But you can marry someone you like, and courtship periods -- plus the modern "live together for a while and try it out" thing -- means you can find someone you like.

Plus they're your spouse; your job is to try to keep them (sorta) happy.

ameminator3y ago

I mean, pretty much. However, I've also been pretty happy and - more importantly - fulfilled, without marriage. It's to the point where I don't understand why someone would take the risk (in both capital and personal impact), especially when divorce rates seem so high.

1 more reply

lotsofpulp3y ago

> Just be aware that something between 40 and 45% of first time marriages fail in North America (depending on the study).

This goes down a lot as you go up the socioeconomic ladder:

https://flowingdata.com/2021/05/04/divorce-rates-and-income/

ameminator3y ago

Most people I know earn less than $100k per year, unfortunately. Even then, having a divorce rate reach the floor at 30% seems pretty risky to me.

midoridensha3y ago

>Why would you even consider marrying someone who probably doesn't like you very much? And why would they consider marrying you?

Because many people act very different during the dating stage, and don't show their true personalities and preferences. They want to marry you because it's advantageous for them.

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse

0 comments

8 comments · 2 top-level

ameminator3y ago· 6 in thread

lapcatOP3y ago

> It's a personal judgement based on personal experience.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Are you saying that nobody likes you? If so, then maybe that's a "you" problem and not a "them" problem...

> I asked those same questions before deciding that maybe dating or marriage was not for me.

Forget marriage for a second, you don't even want to date? If so, I'm not sure you're really one to be giving advice here, to people who are interested in having relationships.

ameminator3y ago

Exactly, you should make your own judgement, based on your personal circumstances, including how agreeable you are.

However, these are personal anecdata. Is it so hard to look at the statistics and results and make your own conclusion?

1 more reply

red-iron-pine3y ago

> It's a personal judgement based on personal experience.

ITT: parent poster is an unlikable jerk. or thinks they are, anyway.

But you can marry someone you like, and courtship periods -- plus the modern "live together for a while and try it out" thing -- means you can find someone you like.

Plus they're your spouse; your job is to try to keep them (sorta) happy.

ameminator3y ago

1 more reply

lotsofpulp3y ago

> Just be aware that something between 40 and 45% of first time marriages fail in North America (depending on the study).

This goes down a lot as you go up the socioeconomic ladder:

https://flowingdata.com/2021/05/04/divorce-rates-and-income/

ameminator3y ago

Most people I know earn less than $100k per year, unfortunately. Even then, having a divorce rate reach the floor at 30% seems pretty risky to me.

midoridensha3y ago

>Why would you even consider marrying someone who probably doesn't like you very much? And why would they consider marrying you?

Because many people act very different during the dating stage, and don't show their true personalities and preferences. They want to marry you because it's advantageous for them.

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse