“Hmmm… what can I learn from this?”
It reframes criticism from right/wrong or blame/defensiveness.
It also helps me shift out of my own inner critic’s response - such as trying to evaluate if the person critiquing is qualified enough to do so.
I’ve genuinely seen that the most intelligent & successful people I know truly believe they can learn from anyone - including people who are factually wrong.
It seems like your current reaction isn’t a choice, so that’s a personal growth opportunity.
When you feel critiqued it’s helpful to:
1. Notice how you feel 2. Express it & feel it fully - not to others, but with yourself 3. Give yourself space & support to have the experience you are having with no expectations 4. Once you feel that space, get curious about how you’d like to respond
If you weren’t treated this way as a child, this approach can seem very odd or even dangerous.
Meditation and Gay & Katie Hendricks’ work has been helpful for me here (https://foundationforconsciousliving.org/).
But mostly what has helped me is time. Learning to take care of our own feelings & choosing our responses to things around us are a part of maturity.
It has taken me years to develop these skills, but the impact on my relationships and career trajectory is very clear.
So be kind to yourself, set 1% better goals in terms of how you respond, and recognize that you are enabling yourself to become more coachable.
