Nobody wants to be part of the A/B testing; everyone wants the polished product that's the result of A/B testing.

> And if your site only works if I happen to have hardware X installed, you don't need analytics to tell you that your site is broken.

What? Yes you do, or something similar.

> If cookies are needed for the correct operation of the site, then there's no need to beg or bug.

Strictly needed. Suppose I have a dark theme slider, or a language selector, for users who don't want me to follow their OS's settings (or can't or don't know how to change their OS's settings). That's a nonessential cookie which requires the banner.

And if you disagree, your opinion is not worth a lawsuit; the only way to be sure that your use of cookies is limited to those strictly necessary is hire a very expensive european consultant.