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0 pointsanonymouskimmer3y ago0 comments

> I don't even know what ugly thing you are trying to say about the three people you named.

> If you look for someone to blame, you will find someone to blame. But that someone may be a scapegoat.

For Eileen Bailey I first blame her husband cheating, and then I blame his friends at the tennis club for not letting her know about it.

For Ann Coles I blame her husband for his personality disorder, and a society that told women to deal with it.

For Eddie Slovik I blame conscription, which may not have even been necessary in WWII following Pearl Harbor[1]. And an attitude against youthful petty criminals from the lower classes (this continued for decades as petty criminals were encouraged to join the military to get their lives in order and avoid their sentences, at least according to pop culture).

None of these attitudes (save, temporarily, conscription) have materially changed. People still cheat on their spouses. Spouses are still (though much less so today) told to accept it. Friends of the cheater still don't always feel they can, or should, let the other spouse know. People are still told to address societal issues by changing, or medicating, themselves. Youthful offenders are still permanently tarred in the mind of society.

We have improved in considering divorce more acceptable. And this is partly because of a collective blaming of the cheating spouse (with the other part mainly being the increased frequency of divorce).

1 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_Training_and_Service...

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DoreenMichele3y ago

For various reasons, I've read a lot of research on human sexuality.

It's nice when two people can make their marriage work and be happily monogamous. It's unfortunate that we collectively haven't yet sorted out how to establish happy monogamy more reliably.

For your second example, blaming someone for their personality disorder isn't reasonable. People don't wake up one morning and go "I think I would like to acquire a personality disorder for funsies." It's unfortunate that humanity has yet to establish a solid track record for fixing mental health issues.

Last, according to the link you submitted in your previous comment:

Although over 21,000 American soldiers were given varying sentences for desertion during World War II, including 49 death sentences, Slovik's death sentence was the only one that was carried out.

I still have no idea at all what or who you are trying to blame with your third example or what you are trying to say you wish were different.

anonymouskimmerOP3y ago

> For your second example, blaming someone for their personality disorder isn't reasonable.

We all have a responsibility for not making the lives of the close to, or dependent upon us, miserable. And if we can't do that we have the responsibility of ending our relationship. A personality disorder is ultimately a collection of excuses and rationales as to why we are more important than the other. Naming this a "personality disorder" doesn't eliminate responsibility, or blame.

> It's unfortunate that we collectively haven't yet sorted out how to establish happy monogamy more reliably.

It's fine if we haven't, there are plenty of people who are very straightforward about being non-monomgamous, and plenty of others who have tried to be monogamous but called it off after a time once they found out that they couldn't maintain it, or at the very least were truthful about their infidelity to their spouse if they couldn't, for some reason, end the marriage, and were respectful enough to keep it as out-of-their face as possible. Again, it's the treating others as less important than our own drives that's the problem.

> I still have no idea at all what or who you are trying to blame with your third example or what you are trying to say you wish were different.

1) Conscription is generally a bad idea. Especially in time of peace. Especially when the wars are not wars of defense. And most especially when there isn't a particular problem recruiting volunteers.

2) Don't make examples of people who come from shitty situations, and have made it clear time and time again that they won't do what you're asking of them.

3) Don't punish people harder for unrelated crimes, personality defects, or just things that you, personally, find annoying or less than worthwhile about them. This is what implicit bias research is attempting to address.

People are important in and of themselves. Not as extensions of you (or more broadly, whatever the government has deemed important). Even though he got paid for it, Slovik was essentially treated as a slave, and executed for disobeying his masters. Whereas 21,000+ other "slaves" were pardoned because their masters didn't find them to be all that bad.

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