Sex offender can't get a job. Completely out of ideas. Help?

I honestly feel like your career in the US is over, the system is too rigged against you. According to them, you are a "sex offender" AND you owe a lot of money to a woman for a long time with nothing in return. Your best bet is to go to another country and start from scratch where you will not have any "sex offender" hindrances and you will not owe money to anyone. Trying to get child support from someone in another country literally never happens, its impossible. You could go to europe, Portugal has very high quality of life and low cost of living. Or you could go to another country like panama, Thailand, malaysia, georgia, ect. There are plenty of companies hiring there that would appreciate your skills. In terms of your name being googled, obviously you have to either legally change your name or go with a pen name, like your middle name, and a different last name. In terms of your children, you have to accept that your wife did this to them, and whatever lower quality of life they experience is your wife's fault, not yours. They wouldn't be experiencing this if your wife didn't do this. Your best bet is to leave the country and save up as much money as you can that you can spend on them when they turn 18. Until then, try to keep in contact with them digitally, teach them how to secretly keep in touch with you.

This is a really difficult situation, I can't imagine how stressful this must be. However, from your comments on suicide, I feel you are depressed, and forming a false narrative about the situation, as depression tends to do. Realize that these stories in your head about how hopeless everything is are total bullshit- there is a way out of this, and your life will get good again.

If you have no money, all of those obligations disappear legally (assuming you are in the USA)- they cannot make someone without money pay. Your responsibility is to deal with your own mental health first so you can get the strength back to deal with your responsibilities later.

Here is a general approach I would recommend:

1) Make a list of all of your financial obligations, and research each for at least one hour online, to figure out how to get out of it based on zero income. You should consider filing for bankruptcy.

2) File all of those things properly yourself, e.g. using NOLO books from the library.

3) Drop your house, car, etc. and find a low stress way to survive that requires a lot of hard physical labor outdoors, suitable for your own skills and abilities. For example, if this were me I would get a free derelict sailboat and live with subsistence diving and fishing and sea foraging. Other people might do farm labor for cash, etc. Look for anything that is incredibly physically hard, pays poorly but supports survival, and gives you introspective solitude.

4) Work on your inner self with daily practice. Any method is suitable: qi gong, wim hof, stoicism, buddhism, etc.

5) Once you have rebuilt yourself internally, and become conformable living on nothing, work on a plan to re-enter the world, and execute it. Be open to many options. Consider for example companies that emphasize hiring ex-criminals, founding your own company, or switching fields entirely. Possibly also look for some ways to (legally) obscure your negative reputation online: go by a nickname, etc. or simply embrace it and be upfront about it. Let employers know the real story, and that they are getting a skilled person at a bargain because of your background. I mean, reading this story, my first thoughts were around if I would be able to make you a job offer.

your alimony and child support amounts should be tied to your income levels right? if so, you could see if your obligation can be reduced since you don't have any income. I think a lawyer would be good to have for this process but maybe not strictly required in the short term if you just need immediate relief from your support obligation.

I'm not a sex offender, but I've investigated a surprising number of them who worked in white-collar roles (until we crossed paths for unrelated reasons). I'm taking you literally in that you're classified as an Offender and not a Predator-- if so, it is possible to find work at your level.

If you're not catching fish, the solution is not seppuku. Keep trying, but maybe somewhere else. CA would be most forgiving.

> nobody understands the mental illness that causes flashing

Don't kid yourself-- nobody understands any mental illness as well as they pretend to. How many mental illnesses have we managed to eradicate?

Just downplay your behavior as symptomatic of a then-unmanaged drinking problem. The social perception is that perverts are beyond redemption but anyone has the power to choose to stop drinking.

I’m not a sex offender and get less offers than you.

You sound really entitled.

Why should you take a job while those of us who lead decent lives struggle?

I’m on the autistic spectrum, and have C-PTSD from some of the previous interventions. I also used contraception with my partners, since I don’t come from wealth.

Why on earth should anyone help you and send a signal that your behavior should be not only tolerated, but passed on?

Can’t change name?

Is there anyone you can move in with for the time being? Fix the shelter situation first before worrying about financial obligations.

We didn't need that level of detail, and we can't help you.

Tend bar, drive uber, or deliver Amazon. Accept that your crimes have you set you back for life, and a white-collar job might be out of reach for many years.

It seems to me that you are trying to solve too many problems at once and becoming understandably overwhelmed as a result.

It’s silly, but when I start feeling this way, I think of the song “The Next Right Thing” from Frozen II. Yes, the Disney movie … I admitted it was silly! But there is wisdom in identifying the first problem that you need to solve and solving it before moving on to a second (or third, or fourth) problem.

So, in your case, the first problem to solve might be to get enough income coming in to provide housing for yourself. Forget about everything else and just solve that one problem.

Things are not as bad as they seem. You sound like a smart and caring person who will figure this out. Take a breath and get focused on one thing.

Regardless of what happens, you can be an asset to your kids regardless of whether you ever give them another dime. I miss my dad every day, and it has been decades since he provided any financial support to me.

Best of luck to you.

San Francisco apparently does not allow employers to consider convictions more than seven years old.

https://sfgov.org/olse/sites/default/files/FileCenter/Docume...

You have not specified any technical skills that you may have other than "Goldman says I am worth it".

What do you do? What do you know? What floats your boat?

It sounds like you are past crisis stage and into survival stage. I have been in crisis stage a couple times but never survival stage.

1. Get a job- ANY job, any pay. If there is a job, apply. Get some stability. We are going into a hard economic time and the longer you wait the harder it will be. If you can get a retail job you might get bonus networking opportunities. 2. Look for a recent law school grad who passed the bar and is trying to get up and running. They often take cases pro-bono and can help keep you out of jail. A lawyer friend of mine used to hang out at a library looking for clients. 3. Your landlord sounds accommodating, leverage their help and square up once you have income. They could be your only lifeline at the moment so preserve that relationship at all costs. 4. Try to get into one of those entry level tech consultanting companies. You will be a star there. You simply must keep your accommodations and take any crap job you can or it could quickly become impossible to recover. I’m sorry that I am not in a position to help more. Good luck and now is the time to soldier on.

I think it would have been better to go when you had a little more cash, but I'd focus on finding a lawyer to discuss declaring bankruptcy to try to make things like the repo'ed car's debt go away and try to use their networking and past client knowledge.

Many independent lawyers, accountants, etc, are likely to know odd situations and odd entities that just barely want to meet contractual obligations, etc. Of course others are more specialized in just talking to one type of niche client..

Have you thought about mentoring/tutoring for people learning how to code?

Car detailing is something with a relatively low barrier for entry and you can make $40+ an hour. I've seen people get started this way with just a bucket of water, some car wash soap, a couple rags.

What region are you located in? if you dont mind me asking

Upwork and/or Fiverr?

> In particular, 7 years ago and 12 years ago, I flashed teenagers.

Why did you do this? Were these really the only two times you did this, or just when you got caught?

I don't know how you've been explaining these convictions to prospective employers, but, it seems likely to me that you're not being hired because employees deem it a risk that you might do it again.

If I was the hiring manager, I would be most concerned that this a repeat offense, which carries a higher risk of recidivism.

-Apply to jobs abroad e.g. Dubai, Saudi? They love quality Western talent, and pay handsomely. If you move there, your income will not be taxed (up to $200k I believe, for Americans)

-Get a remote job based in Europe? Some pay good.

-Make tech videos? Adsense can bring in some $$$.

-Make video courses on Udemy, or your own site. If you're determined you can do this FAST, and while looking for a job.

-Write an ebook on a niche tech topic? Websockets? UX?

Aside: As a Muslim, my religion tells me the one who repented (to God, and to those whom he offended) is like the one who never sinned. I can see you realized your mistake, and I will not hold anything against you. Especially for "flashing", which is obviously bad, but way on the lower end. I quote from a law firm: "Indecent exposure is considered a sex crime in California. If you are convicted, you will be forced to register as a sex offender". Unfortunately, the world is super-promiscuous and super-hypocritical. We see people almost completely naked everyday. Revealing their private parts and near-private parts. This is considered "cool". Television hosts deliberately wear clothing to arouse people. You know, "sex sells". People wear the tiniest bikinis. And even allow their toddlers to wear such skimpy clothing [this should be a major crime, actually]. Not to mention the near-naked billboards we see on a daily basis. But when they want to book someone, they do.

May God help you.

I can't help directly but I remember there was someone on HN who tried starting a startup to help convicts get jobs. I remember that the business ultimately failed but he is on HN and may be he has some suggestions ? Just a thought. I wish you the best. I can't remember his name or profile exactly though.

One idea might be to incorporate and consult under your company's name. You might even do a sole proprietorship. In that case, customers will not necessarily do a background check on you yourself (some still will), because you are not necessarily contracting on a particular individual doing the work.

This might involve a few hundred dollars, but if you indeed have skills worth $125/hr, it would be worth working at a car wash etc. until you save that up.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Unfortunately, the system is rigged against you, even if you feel like you have been rehabilitated, done your time in prison, and paid your dues.

With that in mind, you may have to change careers, you're very fortunate that you're not still locked up, or civilly committed.. which happens quite a bit in TX. I'm not sure where in the USA you're located.. but have you considered talking to your local workforce commission? you may need to become a day laborer, a welder, and take on some dirty jobs, but you're not alone.. there are plenty of SO s that are gainfully employed.. they may not have the obligations you have, but they're making do. One of the hardest things for you will be the transition from white collar to blue collar.. it can be done.

And quit that crap about dying.. if you really mean it when you say you want to provide for your children, do it.. where there is a will, there is a way.. and all those other cliches.

It's not over for you just yet.

Sorry to hear about your situation.

1. Are there any non profits for the homeless/former convicts near you? Even if you’re not homeless they may still be able to put you in touch with the right organisations. Objective- getting you a job, a place to stay perhaps, most importantly pausing your payments. 1.1 Google for NGO/pro bono lawyers in <your area>. This will help pause your payment situation. Objective- pausing the payments 1.2 Failing that, you could try to represent yourself in court. Not sure if it’s a smart strategy but it’s a strategy.

2. Are there food banks, or religious institutions nearby that provide food? You might also benefit from asking around homeless people if they know any decent resources in your area.

3. Hit up the job search thoroughly. I would expect LinkedIn to be good. I would also recommend finding remote companies from eg Canada/UK (if you’re US based), I suspect they wouldn’t do a background check. But be honest if asked (if it doesn’t cost you your health/life).

Also if you need to take a loan if I’m not mistaken bank loans are far lower interest % than credit cards. Be careful with credit. Best of luck!

I am sorry that you are going through this. May I recommend a book? "How Starbucks Saved My Life: A Son of Privilege Learns to Live Like Everyone Else" by Michael Gates Gill.

It isn't going to solve your problems, but it may give your mind a rest for a few minutes per day. The author unexpectedly lost his job as a CEO-type, and after a string of bad luck became divorced, and then diagnosed with a brain tumor. The only job he could find was as at Starbucks coffee shop...but that led to other great things.

The amount of stress you are experiencing must be suffocating, and I imagine that it is impossible to be positive. People read "sex offender" and automatically close their minds. This is not fair, but thats how it is.

I had something similar happen, and although I did not have the financial burden that you have, I quickly became depressed more and more as doors were slammed in my face.

Long story short (because I could talk about this forever)...eventually I began sending out/dropping off resumes for jobs that included a cover letter that began with something like "I made a mistake and need a second chance..." or "I am a sex offender, but..."

When I was called for an interview the very first thing I did was speak about my criminal conviction and my name on the sex offender registry. In my mind no one was going to hire me. So I had nothing to lose by taking charge and telling the truth. I did this in multiple interviews, and it was almost therapeutic.

I was eventually hired by a small company (I do sysadmin work) because the owner read one of my cover letters, and wanted to give me a chance (he had been accused and acquitted of rape and murder decades ago).

One more thing. Goodwill Industries is known to hire sex offenders. I do not know their organization structure, but it might be a place to start. Working feels way better than not working.

I know that you do not know me, but you will get through this. You just need the right person to hear your story or see your resume. From where you are sitting right now it is difficult to see one year from now...or five years from now. Good luck to you.

Look for government jobs (in friendly states), companies that focus on social justice and the like, and accept that the courts don't give a shit about you and will likely throw you in jail for contempt anyways.

I have an in-law who was in an accident and coma for a while. He stopped paying support and nobody petitioned the court on his behalf. He spent multiple stays in jail over the years for contempt. He never got another job because of that record. He could never pay the debt since he couldn't get a job. He survives via family, SNAP, food banks, etc. The courts are unjust, and family court seems especially vicious.

Here's what might work: maybe not for government jobs or Goldman Sachs, but probably for smaller jobs like connecting with entrepreneurs who want to build the next stupid social network for dogs that play sports or whatever.

Create an LLC, either directly or through a sympathetic friend. If through a friend so your name never shows up on any Google searches, you might have to cut them in on future profits and be treated as their employee even though you'll be doing all of the work, which seems preferable to the alternative.

Create a legit looking website for that company and start applying for consulting gigs. Voila, you're a tech consultant for XYZ Firm and never have to give away your real name.

In video meetings and emails, you can change your name to Brad Smith or Scott Taylor or whatever generic sounding name you want it to be, you're just an employee of that small agency.

Have these past issues come up at some juncture during your pursuit for work or applying for jobs? Or are you instead fearful that it might if you try?

Primary thought is: be honest—you've explained your situation here, do similar if you need to elsewhere. Your (past crime) story at face-value wouldn't affect my assessment of you for a technical role.

Second thought is: apply for jobs with a "professional name". Not uncommon. Your first name + your middle name, perhaps. At some point, HR will need to see/know your official name, but that's for book-keeping...you may even be able to have your corp email reflect your professional name, and only your W2 having the true record. If at any point the issue of the past comes up, simply be honest. Should that be grounds for firing you, or not hiring you, so be it. Find an outfit that will understand and give you a fair shot.

Change your name? Work remotely for a none US company.

Also, bear in mind that every couple days there’s a new TS/JS/React expert in the market, I don’t see how you’d get 250K a year offer regardless of your criminal record.

Work on any available job and pay a percentage of your salary, until you get a bit better.

Good luck!

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Usually smaller companies are less likely to background check. I know that's not much help but it's all I know I'm afraid.

Good luck.

> This is creating decision paralysis

You could enter the relevant information into OpenAI's GPT 3 AI and have it write a list of the best options. I myself have found this to be an absolutely invaluable new way to solve my own problems.

> All family has disowned me except one who lives right next to a school.

Your relatives are probably still your best security. You could ask ChatGPT, for example, what to say to your disappointed relatives to achieve the best outcome. Your relatives can help you because it will also help your children. A sad outcome does not work in their favor.

(1) You should probably investigate bankruptcy (it won’t deal with tax or child support debt, but it can help with other debt, and maybe create a solid record for changed conditions for child support

(2) Government employers, while the pay is significantly lower than private industry usually, are often more willing to overlook criminal history not directly related to job function.

You've made some silly choices in your past, but I'm sure you'll find a way through this. I think, though, that you need to get your head straight before you work on your other items. Don't give up.

If places find out about your criminal record during background check, they are much less likely to hire you. It is better to be up front about it.

Can you get a doctor's note? I can imagine smaller firms bending the rules a bit.

I’d suck it up and sooner than later. It’s obvious these sick fucks want you dead. Pick up and just go somewhere else, or stay in this hell of yours and do what they tell ya. Ether way ur life ain’t going back to where u want it to friend. Hit the road and send money when ya can. They knew what would happen when they did their part and now they want u to live with it? Fuck them imho, ymmv

Leave the country. You’re fucked here. Go somewhere they won’t care, consider going illegally.

Could you drive an Uber?

I’m not sure how viable this recommendation is, but when I was younger I got my start in development through working online using a pseudonym, working in game development / management. You might be able to try to do the same through a combination of Fiverr, Hireup, and/or more specific and niche websites for markets that you might have skills that are valuable in. Then, just accept payment via some pseudonymous method, e.g. cryptocurrency or venmo or a PayPal business account.

What you could hypothetically make if you were to follow my advice above is a hard question to answer, because it really depends on your skills, how you market yourself, where you market yourself, how much of yourself and your time you dedicate to trying to make online contracting work out for you, and your negotiation skills. Another big part of making better money as an online contractor is building a reputation behind your name (or rather, pseudonym in this case), and gaining repeat clientele / referrals. Personally, when I was trying to hustle with online contracting, it was a slow start— I didn’t make much for the first few months. This was because my skills weren’t very developed, I didn’t have a reputation or repeat clientele, and I didn’t have the best grasp on how to play ball and negotiate with potential clients. Over time, these skills developed, though, and I did make more money before moving on to other things.

For brass tacks specifics, I made piss-poor money the first 3-6 months I think— maybe $1000 a month. I was a new developer though, which definitely hindered my income at the time. Past that, my income slowly and gradually increased by (rough guess, it’s been a few years since I was doing this) around 500 bucks a month before eventually slowing down around 4-5K a month with around a year and a half of experience doing online contracting. I’m sure I could’ve made more if I kept at it and had stronger negotiation and soft skills to help me win new clients and retain old clients better.

Only the white collar professional world insists on knowing who you are before taking you on for a position. You can get away without ever telling anyone your name so long as you’re not trying to work for a FAANG and are okay with working as a contractor for less professional oriented markets or businesses.

I was also able to work without giving anyone my name when I succeeded in bringing a side project of mine to life as a real income source. This isn’t exactly something you can do by following any specific set of instructions or guidelines though, and only works if you have a good idea and can execute on it properly. When I was doing my side project stuff, I started out making around 2-3K a month, gradually increasing my income month over month until a peak of around 20K a month, after which burnout started to hit me and my income fell off. There is good money in “side projects”, but only if your idea is good, your plan is good, your advertising is good and your execution of all of the previously listed things is good. Unfortunately it’s a very hazardous path to walk, and there’s a lot of things out of your control that will aid you or halt you if you try to make something of your own come to life in this way. For me, what really helped the most with my side project was a combination of luck, first movers advantage, a colossal amount of time I was able to dedicate, and my hyper-specific niche I was working in. If you go this route, or try this route, I would recommend finding something very very very narrow in scope, and building from there. My side project was so specific that I only ever had about a few thousand odd customers, but those customers had an average spend that was north of a hundred bucks per person, so it worked for me.

Again, I dunno if this is really advisable for you, but it is just what comes to my mind when I think about ways to make money where your name doesn’t need to be part of the picture.

Good luck man… I don’t envy your position. I hope everything works out for you and your kids.

sex *predator