How is it avoidable? It's a necessary part of using an ORM. Moreover, you're severely understating the complexity of dealing with how to load data through an ORM and how to control the underlying queries.

SQL is already a perfectly adequate language for describing how to query relational data, by putting a effectively a graph query language in front of it and adding a translation layer you immediately need an immense amount of special casing, the common cases might be handled by a sufficiently sophisticated ORM but once you veer even slightly outside the realm of a basic hello world application which accesses a database you are immediately hit with a wave of all the complexity which results from the abstraction leaking. Every time I've personally dealt with an ORM or seen code which deals with an ORM, the amount of unnecessary hassle which is required just to get the ORM to do what you want it to do certainly outweighs any imagined benefit of using it. If you think SQL is hard to write then you're putting the blinders on to claim that ORMs are easier to deal with.

If you have never hit upon these sorts of issues then you must have never actually needed to do anything non-trivial and performant with an ORM.

Try re-creating a relational database in a graph database or vice versa by applying this approach and report back. I promise you that if you put a graph in a SQL database or vice versa you will end up with absolutely abysmal performance unless you explicitly go out of your way to special case everything into being performant.