I don’t know you or what you’re going through but even though the above is true I would be saddened to know if you harmed yourself. Life is and can be tough. I’m posting the below not to try and play any game of “my problems are worse than yours”.

I’m currently in the midst of a fight with incurable cancer. There is a hope that they can shrink the numerous tumors and affected lymph nodes with chemo and I will have a risky surgeries shot at being cured. According to the very pessimistic internet my type of cancer across ages 8-80 means I have 2 years to live on average.

Funny thing is a few years ago I was a contractor and was billing up to 80 hours per week. I missed a lot of family interaction doing this and I now regret working so long.

So my point in all of this is health is literal wealth. And aside from needing to address your mental health (parents dying is not something you should just stuff down). It sounds like you are generally healthy but going through something. It may be tough to get through this phase of your life but if you do I’m pretty sure you will be happy you did.